Speaking and Communicating Podcast

>> Speaker A: Welcome back to the speaking and communicating podcast. I am your host, Roberta Angela. If you are looking to improve your communication skills, both professionally and personally, this is the podcast you should be tuning into. Communication and soft skills, are crucial for your career growth and leadership development. And by the end of this episode, please log on to Apple and Spotify. Leave a, a rating and a review and what you'd like for us to discuss on this show. Now let's get communicating. Now let's get communicating with Derek Johnson, veteran turned life coach who started his own fitness business at the tender age of 15. Hi, Derek. Welcome to the show.

>> Speaker B: Hi, Roberta, thank you for having me.

>> Speaker A: Thank you for being here. You're very inspirational 15 year old businessman.

Growing up in Florida, there was a lot of negativity toxicity at home

But before we get into that, please tell us a little bit about yourself.

>> Speaker B: Yes, for sure. So I was in the US army for ten years. I followed my dad's footsteps. He was in the army for 20 plus years and retired. My mother, she's German. She was a kindergarten teacher for 40 plus years. So my dad's african american, mother's German. So both parents are very strict, very focused. Taught me a lot with education. So everything that relates to success, business, career and all that I learned from my parents. On the flip side, everything else I either had to learn from mentors, from myself, from books, from faith. So I fell in love with helping empower people. So at home, we didn't really have a good positive dynamic. It was more so very negative unless guests were there. Once we had guests, it was very positive. My parents were very popular and good at what they did, highly successful. But there was a lot of things in their past that they did not get the help that they needed. So I became their verbal, physicalemotional punching bag only when they were drinking at night. So in the daytime, positive energy. Once the guests left, once the cookout was over, that's where something would take them over and they would just release. But I learned really quick that I wasn't the problem. It was more so something internally, something from their past, and it was more so that they were releasing. That started when I was eleven. And by the age of twelve, I just had to really focus on myself. And fitness was my outlet. So the first year, it was a shock because I was a good kid, made good grades, never really got in trouble, just played sports, went to school and came home. But there was a lot of negativity toxicity at home. So I really got deep into personal development and my faith. So I do believe that people that had trauma, whatever their level was, they give what they did not receive. So I didn't get the support or the love that I wanted or needed at the time. I mean, I didn't know it back then, but that's what I always tried to give my friends, my classmates, my teammates, and I always try to empower and build up other people from the outside. Beautiful home, beautiful family. We had a screened in pool in Florida, but behind closed doors, there's some really dark energy in the home. But that's why I love being around people and being outside of the beautiful home, to always interact with people and help build up others. So that's what inspired me to get into the fitness was first I worked on myself because I was a skinny, quiet kid. I had a stuttering issue, and that's what inspired me to learn about the body and then learn about the mind. And then friends, family, coworkers, even professors and teachers, they started asking like, hey, what did you do? You used to be totally different. You used to be shy, barely say a word. When you did, you couldn't even say a sentence because you were stuttering. So I had it really bad, and I was just sick and tired of getting bullied at home, at school. So I changed my body, then changed my mentality, and then I just started teaching. And that opened up the door to many things, but, yeah, so it all started from that childhood and then being able to help lead people in group classes, on sports teams, and then eventually it turned into the military.

Everybody that goes through trauma is given a gift, Derek says

>> Speaker A: I find it interesting that you say, you realize that it wasn't about you a lot of time, especially, let's say, when parents get divorced, kids will say, what's wrong with us? Don't they love us anymore? Or when you have a spouse and they say, I'm, breaking up with you, you say, what's wrong with me? Usually that's the first instinct. That's the first question people ask. And yet you realize at such a young age that you are not the reason that your parents were alcoholics.

>> Speaker B: Yes. And the reason for that. I feel like everybody that goes through trauma is given a gift, and I feel like my gift was, at the time, discernment, being able to read somebody's energy, a room's energy, the environment. I was just always that quiet kid who was people watching. Like, I would have to drive my parents even before I had a license. I would drive them home into the parties and all that, and I would be there and they'd be like, hey, you're driving tonight. And I was like, okay, I could drive designated Derek. We're the best drivers. So dealing with that, I would just learn so much because I would go everywhere with them, and I would just be the quiet kid in the corner just watching. But I wasn't judging. I was just learning how people interacted and all this, and I was just taking so many mental notes. And I feel like that is a huge reason that got me to learn so much about people's patterns, because I first started with my parents, then I learned about their friends, and I learned about other people. And then I would start diving into books and all that. So it was more so the experience of discernment. And I used to pretend as a kid that I had a twin. I don't have a twin, but I would pretend that I had a twin. And he would give me advice. I don't know if it was God, tell me to do that.

>> Speaker A: If it was like your inner voice type thing, it's always there with you.

>> Speaker B: exactly. It was my conscience or alter ego. There's different things somebody could call it.

>> Speaker A: Right.

>> Speaker B: But I would do that a lot because it would help me to not be in the moment of the pain, the anger, whatever was happening.

>> Speaker A: So you don't absorb it, because a lot of us do. When we go through stuff, we actually absorb it and really marinate in that. And that's why it becomes so deeply implanted in us. If we go through any level of trauma, we're not able to separate ourselves from the situation. Any person listening would be thinking, wait a minute. Usually people gravitate towards numbing their pain with drugs, sex, alcohol, medication, whatever it is. You went to books and fitness.

>> Speaker B: Yes.

>> Speaker A: At such a young age, how did you have that wisdom to say, let me go this route? Instead of the usual, oh, you got pain, let me give you something to numb it with.

>> Speaker B: Yes. Great question. So as a teen, I was very hard headed, so I was smart. But I would just judge my family and friends and say, they're weak for drinking. I don't want to be weak, so I got to do the opposite. They didn't do the work, so I'm going to work on myself. So that was like my young, head against the wall mentality. It's like, all right, I don't want to be like that. They're an example of what I don't want to be. Yes, they're successful, but behind closed doors, I don't want to be like this. So I'm not going to pick up the bottle. I'm not going to do drugs, not going to do anything of that. So it was more so like a challenge. I would always tell myself, challenge accepted. Anytime something would happen, I would always say, challenge accepted. I'm crazier than they are or anything. And then I would just get into this zone and I would work out. First it was to build the body, but it was more so afterwards, the high of the calmness and the clarity. So once I was calm, after a workout, weightlifting, running, whatever it was, I would be calm, my mind would be open, and I feel like I had a very powerful connection to God at that point because I wasn't thinking of me, I wasn't thinking of the situation. I was just blank drinking water. And then just out of nowhere, just ideas would come to me. And the older I got, I realized that I was tapping into, people would say, God's source, God's energy, higher intelligence, higher, consciousness. But I was tapping into that a lot. Without even realizing it. I was just like, I like being calm and something happens and I would just take notes and I would just be guided, like, grab this book, do this, help your friends. Something was just telling me, and I just stopped asking questions. And slowly fear just started going away from me because I was listening to my intuition or God's voice. And it happened the most after workout. And to this day, every morning I work out early, and as I'm walking home or running home, ideas just hit me. And I feel like we're all the best.

>> Speaker A: A lot of us get that wisdom in our. Did you get it at 50? All the intuition and journaling and listening to your body, there's so much that we discover later in life that you seem to have had the wisdom to tap into at such a young, age.

>> Speaker B: I think what really helped the most was I got obsessed with learning people's stories that were worse than mine. So I didn't do it to pretend my situation didn't exist. But I said, you know what? I have air conditioned in hot Florida. I have both my parents. I have all my arms and legs. I always have food. Do I really have anything to complain about? And I would tell, yes. And I always told myself, I was like, I would never complain. Like, none of my friends knew what was happening at home because I never told anybody. And it wasn't that I was scared, but I just was like, I'm not going to complain. I see this as a test. I have to pass a test. And I would watch movies of comeback stories, read books, listen to interviews. And the more that I learned about high level people in every industry, male or female, they all went through dark, crazy things, which is why they're good at what they do. And I was like, oh, I'm going to be one of them. So because I consumed all this information, it became normal. I mean, it's not normal to act that way to your kids, but I realized that it was normal for people that are good at what they do, that they all experience something crazy to an extent. And I said, you know what? I can relate to them because I can't relate to most of my friends because their family is almost quote unquote perfect. And the older I got, I realized that my friends who had the perfect upbringing and all that, they really struggled in real life when they got their first job in school, just like normal life things, they would have total anxiety and normal situations of life I would just laugh at because I was like.

Derek Johnson credits Tony Robbins with helping him manage stress as a child

>> Speaker A: Why do people challenge accepted the Derek Johnson motor?

>> Speaker B: Exactly. And then in my head I said, wow, this is awesome. So I didn't realize until I was older that I got the skill set of handling and managing stress because I saw the extreme versions of it. Young. So then regular day to day stuff. Yeah, stress stuff is real. I don't pretend it isn't, but I just always had a calmer reaction to things because I just did the inner work. But most importantly, I never wanted to carry that person or that anger and aggression to other people. I always wanted to help make somebody's day, empower them, motivate them, push them. And I was never negative to anybody unless I had to stand up for myself because of a bully. But besides that, I always tried to give something better because that home was just screaming, yelling, glass being thrown, stuff being blah, blah, crazy stuff kids shouldn't hear from their parents, should have had an abortion, all this stuff. But it all just primed me. So I just always saw everything as a comeback story. And when I was twelve years old, I was in my dad's car and he was listening to Tony Robbins cassette tapes. I'm old enough to know about cassette.

>> Speaker A: Tape, to listen to those as well as, they were infomercials back home when I was in high school. Yes, they would play the whole day on that infomercial channel. And yes, it was both the tapes and the cds and the. Think it was a whole package.

>> Speaker B: Exactly.

>> Speaker A: Yes. Sorry, go ahead.

>> Speaker B: Yeah, so he had his book and one of the tapes that he was playing, I was just zoned out looking out the window. And then I just heard Tony say, if my mother gave me the love that I wanted as a child, I would not be the man I am today. And I'm twelve years old hearing this, and I'm like, yes, somebody gets me, I'm not crazy. And it all clicked. And then I didn't say anything to my dad, but internally I was getting a rush. I had chills. I was almost getting teary eyed because it was just clicking. And the more that I listened to him, to others, and dove deeper into books and faith and all that, I had more clarity. So I was like, everything that I'm feeling, I want to start giving other people, as in the light bulb, moments where things make sense. So that's just what started it. I first worked on myself and the better I got with myself. People were just like, man, you're always so calm. You're always so calm. That's the main thing that I would hear as a kid and teen. And in my head I was just laughing. I was like, yeah, it's because I'm half asleep, because they're yelling till 02:00 a.m. But yeah, I'm calm. I'm just half asleep, right? But I, realized that I just wouldn't.

>> Speaker A: It's like when they say, you create your own reality. Usually they say that phrase to motivate us to say, you can create whatever life you want, but I don't think we truly get that. Creating your own reality is not just the creation of the future life you envision for yourself, but in the moment when things are tough, you can go to a place in your head that's different from what you're looking at. Is that what you were doing?

>> Speaker B: Exactly. So what I would do is, one, I knew how to perspective hop. I use that phrase a lot with my friends and clients. So what I would do, I would zoom out, and then I would think of, what would version 10.0 of me tell me to do right now. I created this version 10.0. So as a kid, I was playing video games, and I would create a level 99 character in the basketball game. I'm like, he has speed, he has power, he has strength, he's smart, he never misses a basketball shot. Like, whatever it was. I'll create a level 99 character and then I'll stop playing video games at the end of middle school. But I would always think of that analogy and say, who is my level 99 character? Nobody's perfect, but he was at a level 99. So I would think of him. I'd say, what would he tell me? And I would think of that. And then I would think of my younger version, who's broken, shy, scared, fearful, skinny bully, just all over the place and didn't know himself. And then from my younger version, I would say, hey, my current version, I'm proud of him. And then my future version would say things along the line of, hey, keep going. What can you learn from this? Stop giving people the reaction they expect. They want you to yell, they want you to cry. They want you to run out of the room, just be calm, agree, laugh. And I would play a mental game with people that would try to break me, and I would just start agreeing with people, whether it was my parents, whether it was racism, whether it was the bully at school. And I would just start agreeing with people because I was like, I'm not giving people their power over me. and so when people would say something, I first tested it at home, and my mother was, like, yelling and screaming, and I was like, you're right. I'm exactly that. And she got caught, off guard, got quiet, and got even more mad. And I was like, yeah, let's get mad together.

>> Speaker A: It's almost like she's inviting you to this fight to participate in the anger and the fight. So you're literally saying, I'm not participating.

>> Speaker B: Exactly. So I would just play a game, and they would not know what else to say. And I was like, all right, you finished. You feel better? And I would just walk away. And my power and confidence went up because the first time you did that.

>> Speaker A: Were you not scared?

>> Speaker B: Not really. The reason why is because it happened so much that I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. So it was years on end that I was like, I'm not going to allow them, her or him, to control my reaction anymore. I drew a line in the sand for myself. So I didn't tell them. I didn't tell anybody. I just said, from this day on, nobody's going to control my reaction. Not my family, not people in public, whatever they expect. And I made that promise to myself. And I'm not saying it's easy, but even just being out in public, if something happens, I'll calm, I'll breathe. I might have a crazy scenario in my head, but I don't play it out. And I just keep going and go from there. And normally, you can control the situation by just being calmer, being the bigger person.

Derek says he learned how to stand up to bullies as a teenager

Yeah, it was just interesting what happened, and I realized that that was a skill set that I learned back as a teen, which helped me a lot in my career, in the military and.

>> Speaker A: In other paths, being the bigger person. You know why? Sometimes we fight that, even though we understand why. It's a good principle. But sometimes we say, you know what, Derek? I am sick and tired of being the bigger person because it's almost like we're giving the other people, give them a pass.

>> Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. And it all depends on the scenario. So in that moment, I knew that I was able to use my energy more the rest of the day rather than just on them. So I would see it different in that situation. In some situations, when it came to the bully, I would speak, up. And other situations where my dark side would take over or my anger and aggression, it was never, if somebody did something to me or said something to me, I could handle it. Because if your mother has said the worst things ever to you a million times in a row, anything anybody else says doesn't mean anything. You're just like, cool, whatever. So to me, whatever was happening to me, it didn't really affect me. But what took out my anger and aggression was when people would bully my friends, girlfriend, whatever was happening, or people I loved, or if I just saw somebody bullying a stranger in public, that's when that inner race, you stood up.

>> Speaker A: More for others than for yourself. That's interesting.

>> Speaker B: Yeah. So I stood up for myself calmly at home because I knew their pattern. If I would have stood up aggressively, which tried a couple of times, and it just kept making things worse. And I was like, all right, this didn't work. This just made this into a four hour thing instead of a 1 hour thing. So it was also always scenario dependent. But, I always stood up for myself in public. And it started with school as the bully. But the thing was, once I stood up and my confidence went up, I less likely got bullied because I carried myself calmer and confidently. Because if you think about it, starting with school, the most bullied kid is the one that's shy, timid, scared. People can see and feel energy.

>> Speaker A: They say the same thing about crime as well, that if somebody is about to attack you and you have this confidence, they suddenly go, why is he not scared? And then they tread back. Exactly. But, yes, it's the confidence. It's that, no, you're not going to do this to me. And suddenly booty goes, why is he trusting so much that he's not intimidated by me?

>> Speaker B: Exactly. 100%. so it was doing that so many times to the point I didn't have to do it anymore. Not that, like, the toughest person ever. But it was more so carrying yourself in a different way where you don't break eye contact. So in public, when traumatic or violent things would happen, I would never break eye contact and I would just stare. If people are familiar with David Goggins.

>> Speaker A: Yes.

>> Speaker B: Awesome. I first found him maybe seven years ago. But what's interesting, going back to the eye contact, I did this since I was a teenager. So much like to anybody that would try to intimidate me, I wouldn't say a word. I just would not break eye contact. And they would look away. And I knew that I won. So I would think of Mike Tyson did that when he got in the ring. And then years later, I found David Goggins. He said this phrase, he said taking souls. And he brought up times in the military where he would not break eye contact and he could see somebody's weakness. And once they broke eye contact, he was like, oh, I got him. And then the first time I heard it, I was like, somebody else does this. I just thought I was the crazy one. That was, like, psychotic. But he did it. And then I learned other people did it as well, where it was more so just, you're not going to allow anybody to intimidate you. You're not trying to intimidate them. It's more. So, as you mentioned, the thief or the robber that sees and feels their fear, they're going to retreat. If they don't see that. They're like, wait, why is he or she not scared? So, it was along those lines, but it was very interesting.

>> Speaker A: It's almost like, what do you have up your sleeves? Why are you so confident? And usually that's how police, that's what throws them off from their game, basically.

One of the most common challenges people face is their relationship with food

So when your clients come to you, you coached over 500 clients. That's amazing. When they come to you, what are generally the challenges that they say they are facing and they need help with?

>> Speaker B: Great question. So one of the most common ones is their relationship with food. Their relationship with food. Some people, example one, this lady may have tried various diets. She did keto, she did Atkins years ago. Then she went vegetarian. And they tried so many different things that, basically ruined their hormones, ruined their relationship with food, maybe their gut health. Maybe they didn't even have food allergies until after they tried all these things. So there's a lot of different things that can happen. So the way that they see food is good or bad, which is not a very beneficial, long term mentality to have because they're going to be overthinking every little meal, and it can turn into binge eating or not eating at all. So a very common one is people's relationship with food, and it could vary many different ways. One person, they used to binge eat, one person was bulimic, but it usually all stemmed from the common example of bullying.

>> Speaker A: There's an emotional reason underneath the food is just a symptom. Something is going on underneath there.

>> Speaker B: Exactly. And so that thing is usually what we pinpoint and we peel back the layers and the trust is there and they don't feel judged or anything, and we basically just start writing and going from there. But one of the most common traits is somebody's relationship with food, and that's for men and women. Another thing could be constant negative thinking and intrusive thoughts, and then the last one would be just lack of motivation. They're like, I didn't have the craziest upbringing. I'm just lazy and I don't know what to do. I need somebody to push me. I need a drink.

>> Speaker A: If you have a trust fund, I guess that's not a problem. But if you have bills to pay, somebody has to push you.

>> Speaker B: Exactly.

>> Speaker A: Anybody is listening. So we've heard your story, and now you have this person who had a great upbringing and kudos to their parents. Would then the question be, does that mean if I raise my kids, they shouldn't be too sheltered, otherwise they're not going to cope with life?

>> Speaker B: It all depends. I would definitely put them in scenarios where they're tested and that doesn't mean to drink two bottles of wine and then scream at them, but it could just be, hey, I don't have kids. But if I did, if I noticed that he was shy, I would say, hey, you know what I think would be really good? If we did a martial arts class together. And that's, like, my introduction. My goal is to get him to be in martial arts and not to be a pro fighter or anything. And I'm speaking from experience is martial arts helped me so much with my calmness. not just to punch the bags, but it's more so the focus to do the form and having a true martial artist, not just MMA and just to be tough and tattooed, just real martial artists, to be just that calm, positive person. I would get my child, son or daughter into martial arts, but I would first do a few classes with them, and then they'd see the power and their confidence goes up. But harnessing the energy of martial arts to control their reactions to things can help so many children because they don't really have an outlet if they don't play sports. Not every kid, depending on what country they're in. Some kids, they don't want to play sports, but martial arts, they don't have to compete. They can do forms, but it teaches them discipline, calmness, self control, personal development. There's so much more than just people thinking, oh, he or she's a black belt. They can break boards and kick a punching back. It's way deeper than that. But that's definitely one thing that I would do to put them in that scenario because they'll be tested, they'll be pushed, they're going to feel physical and mental pain, but the end result is always positive. But that's one huge thing that I would do, is to put them in those environments. Sports can definitely do it as well because they could have a coach and they're scared to go up against this player that's taller or shorter, whatever it is. But definitely martial arts. Number two sports besides that is putting them into those social settings. And what I mean by the social settings is putting them in the places where they would be uncomfortable. We're not saying to put them in a dangerous situation, but more so. Hey, you know what? Let's all go here. He needs to meet my friend's son, my friend's daughter. They're both socially awkward, but at the end of the night they've talked a little bit. Hey, they like that video game. But putting them in those situations more often because kids that are too sheltered, they struggle a lot with life because they just have not had the experience. And that's all it is. It doesn't mean they're dumb, doesn't mean the parents did bad. It's just they're not used to uncomfortable situations, which makes them feel stuck or frozen when they are uncomfortable because they don't know what to do because the historical data just doesn't show any proof of that. They've experienced this feeling before, so they almost retreat, they run back, they just don't know what to do. But also on a deeper level is that people can sense when somebody was sheltered and that's when they try to take advantage of them. Whether that's career, whether that's business, whether that's relationship, it's both dynamics. Males to females, females to men. They can always read when somebody was too sheltered. And it's the ones that weren't sheltered that can read all these people because they have street smarts. So the street smarts comes from m that and one of my best friends growing up, he had the book smarts 4.0. He was a genius, just had everything. And what I mentioned earlier is some people just have the perfect upbringing and all that. And I, was scared for him because I knew that he was going to struggle with some things. And I would just tell him, I'm like, hey, I think you should get a job now. You're 16. You got to work, you got to do this and that your parents are rich. I understand that you do do well in school. You're a great athlete. But I'm out here cutting my yard. I'm doing yard work, I'm cleaning the pool, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I'm up early, training people. You're missing all of that, the work ethic, the discipline, and seeing what you're capable of. And the older we got, it clicked. And he was like, hey, man, you were right. When we were 16, I should have got a job, should have did this. He's doing well now, but it was interesting because I could see it long term because he was sheltered. So those are my suggestions on that is sports, martial arts, and then just putting them in more social settings for it, society, the media and all that will be like, oh, that's dangerous and all this, but if they really look at the big picture, that is way more effective. And a true parent wants their kids to thrive in those situations. Because just my opinion, not saying it's right or wrong, but I just hate this new generation of participation trophies. Like, oh, you get a 16th place trophy. Thanks for showing up. It's like.

>> Speaker A: Yeah, I also grew up with the first is gold, second is silver, third is bronze. And everybody else go home. I remember high school, they would divide us into what they call houses, four different colors. Our house will have a name.

We were Hercules. We were losers in the sports field, and we were fine with that

We were Hercules. And then we'll have athletic competitions. So when we went to the athletic stadium, it looks like an Olympic stadium back home. Two for each house. So there's eight. The 100 meters. My house was always last. We were list of an eight and we never got anything. We knew it. We were losers in the sports field, and we were fine with that. They're not going to give us a trophy for losing. What does that mean?

>> Speaker B: For sure? And that's the thing. It's like if a kid and a teenager understands that, it gives them that feeling. They know how it feels to lose, they know how it feels to win. They know, hey, I, suck at this thing. I should not play basketball. Whatever it is, they throw it over the hoop. But it's just life experiences. And that's the best teacher because some parents, they coddle way too much and they try to hold their child and protect them from everything, but they're actually not protecting them at all when the parent is not there.

>> Speaker A: That's the thing. You're not going to be there 24/7 as they go through life. Yeah, for sure.

When your clients have challenges, what are some of the tools you use

And then when your clients have these challenges, what are some of the things you do, practically the tools that you help them to overcome and thrive?

>> Speaker B: Great question. So one of the very first things that we do in our first initial conversation is we create a eliminate sheet. What we do, we grab a pen and paper. I'm, old school. We don't write things online or on our phone. We write it on pen and paper. And we ask ourselves the question, what are things that I'm doing that are holding me back from getting the progress I want? And we start off with their morning. Do they wake up? Do they grab their phone? Do they start scrolling? Do they check the notifications? Do they wake up but never get out of the bed till 30 minutes later because they're scrolling and went down some rabbit hole and they're like, oh, now I'm late. And stressed.

>> Speaker A: The snooze button, not that I use it because once I'm awake, I'm awake. It doesn't make a difference. Okay.

>> Speaker B: I am.

>> Speaker A: It never works for me. Once I'm awake. I'm kind of jealous of people who can go back to sleep. I don't know how they do it.

>> Speaker B: Oh, yeah, they go back to sleep, and then they usually are more tired because they messed, up their circadian rhythm. And then they're like, all right, now I feel worse. And then they'reactive all day.

>> Speaker A: Sorry. Carry on with the morning routine you teach your clients.

>> Speaker B: Yes, no worries. No worries. So we start with elimination. What can they eliminate that is not serving them? It's usually something small that they do multiple times a day. They grab the wrong food, they don't drink enough water. They scroll too much. They don't have control of their attention. They have a lot of negative thinking. They have intrusive thoughts. They second guess themselves. It's usually like multiple of those things. And the reason we say it's small is because it happens subtly and it's on autopilot. Like, they don't have to think to start scrolling. They open up email, TikTok, instagram, they do it again.

>> Speaker A: Who posted food pictures?

>> Speaker B: 20 minutes, 20 minutes goes by. They're stressed, they're behind on work. And then the cycle, like they just keep chasing an endorphin hit. And it's scary to think that so many people do that stuff on autopilot. So those are just some examples. So I have them write those things out specifically, and then from there we tackle those things first. We're not saying we go eliminate them all in one day, but the thing is, before we add to the routine or change the schedule, we first have to take some things away. Even if we took the smallest thing away or we replaced it with something better. If he or she wakes up and drinks a soda, let's add some flavored water first. Let's have some perrier with some lemon in it. And your brain thinks, hey, there's still bubbles. So the brain doesn't know yet. There's still flavors. And we could slowly weed off the sodas, but there's some tricks that you could do to get people off those things. But in general, that is step one that I do with everybody. Doesn't matter how big their goal is, where they're at. We first eliminate. Because when somebody writes those things out and is transparent with themselves, I'm not the one choosing what they should write down. Once they write two or three things, they really pause and they're think, what else is there? And then they start to flow because they're not judging. And then from there, we just break those things down and say, which one do you think holds the most weight? And they're like scrolling. I scroll away too much. Like every 4 hours they catch themselves. Or for this person, it's food. For this person that's dating the same person, everybody has a thing that they've.

>> Speaker A: Yeah, that's a big one. We'll have to do another episode just for that.

>> Speaker B: Oh, yeah, exactly. So we pinpoint what those things are, and then we put them in order of what holds them back the most or what has control over them the most. And then once we do that, we really start just looking at the schedule. What's their work schedule, what's their day to day life? And from there, we slowly start to build it up. But it's all customized to the person. But step one, what could we get rid of or eliminate or replace with something better that's going to help you get more progress? That's always step one. And then from there, slowly, the more that we learn about each other, we start building the program out so we know what he or she needs. Because some people, they just need accountability. They're like, I barely have anything on my eliminate. I'm, just lazy. And in my head, I just need you to tell me to stop being weak. Like, whatever it is, everybody learns a different way. Some people, they just need that harshness. Some people, they need to take some time, really work on themselves. But to zoom out from a leadership standpoint, the best leaders, coaches, or whoever it is in management, they can read that in a person and say, you know what? I have to do things a little bit differently with him, with her, I can be very direct and blunt because that's what they thrive off on. And with this person, you might have to try a new style, but that's my favorite part about what I do, because it makes you better, and also your patience goes up. I have tons of patience with people, but I just laugh because my younger version had zero patience with anybody.

>> Speaker A: The calm, younger version of you? Yes, because life is not a one size fits all. And whatever tools and system you use, as you said, it can be the same thing, but you can apply it differently based on how you read people, which is very important, because everybody's different. Yes.

When someone has three to five moments of clarity, they thrive

And when you treat them differently, in the sense that you can tell that this is how best they learn and absorb information, it's more effective that way. They'll be receptive to whatever coaching that you do for, them. And then when it comes to thriving, what would you say is a measure of. Now we've reached a point where this person can thrive because they've done ABC.

>> Speaker B: Great question. So they've had at least three to five moments of clarity. Clarity could be on a call via Zoom. It could be in person with me, it could be in their own experience, and they send me a text like, hey, I went out to eat today by myself, and I did not have anxiety. So all those key moments where they do something that they didn't think they could or like they did without thinking about it, they're like, I haven't drank alcohol in two weeks. Didn't even think about it. They're just like, wow, I didn't do that thing. So sometimes it's doing a thing, and sometimes it's not doing a thing, but it's those key moments when they have three or five moments of clarity. Like, aha. moments, they start laughing and they really get. Their confidence goes up and their power comes back because they realize how long this one small thing or big thing controlled them. And then it's amazing what happens from there. So once they have about three to five of those moments. That's when I know we can go deeper and really do the inner work, because they proved it to themselves. It wasn't what I said. It wasn't what I did. When they were alone and a light bulb went off, and they always send me a text, and that's the number one thing I always suggest, good communication. And I say, hey, if you need to get something off your mind, text me at 10:00 p.m. If I'm awake. Awesome. I respond if I'm not, especially because of time zones. Just get it off of your chest. Don't hold your tongue until our next Tuesday call. And I'll say, text it. And then they say, okay. And I'm like, text it. And then they do it. And they're like, wow, it felt so good to get that off my chest.

>> Speaker A: I'm like, this is a lot of problems come from holding stuff in. Yes, you have to. You have to release it.

Derek Johnson challenges people to pinpoint their definition of success

And one last thing before you go. Some people say success. You define differently. And some people say, no, it's success is not what we're looking for. We're looking for fulfillment. What are your thoughts on that?

>> Speaker B: That's a great question. I challenge people to pinpoint their definition of success. But once they write it out, ask themselves, is this my version, or is this a version that society, family, professors, friends, or somebody I follow on Instagram has for me? And then they can go deeper and say, you know what? This is the thing. And then they can ask themselves, what actually fulfills me? So for some people, they do feel fulfilled by making money because they were poor most of their life and all of their family was. So it's different. And that doesn't mean that that person's vision of money is bad, but society's just said, like, oh, rich people are bad and money is bad. Money is the root of all evil. And we hear all these phrases, and it's all designed to make people scared or to look at this person as negative. But usually when they meet these people with whatever level they're ah at, they're like, oh, these people are just normal people. Yes, there's some bad people at every level. But I look at it as find your definition of success, pinpoint what's going to fulfill you, and see how you can make both of those things come together, because you can have success and fulfillment. And then last but not least on that is do your friends, whoever's in your circle, spouses, girlfriends, best friends, whoever family, the people you talk to the most. Do you know their version of success? If not, have that conversation? Because friendships will bump heads and relationships will bump heads long term if they don't know what each other's version of success is. Because years later they might be like, you're arrogant. And they say, no, I want this. And they're like, wait, we want totally different things. This is why we think different. I'm not telling people to cut everybody off, but that's a huge thing that I noticed a lot with my old friends is that they were just okay with being in our hometown and doing the same thing and going to the same restaurant. And to me that was depression. To each their own. But to me, I was like, I need to travel the world. I need to see the world. I needed to meet new people. And to them, they had a fear of doing that, so they just wanted to stay home. And at first it annoyed me because I wanted them to do better because I knew if they had more life experiences their brain would just go and open up. But I said, you know what? They have a different version of success because of lack of experience. That's not right. That's not wrong. It's neutral. My definition is neutral. Theirs is neutral. It's all our life view and experiences. Hey, we'll agree to disagree, but I'm going to keep going. So that's what I challenge people to do. Get crystal clear on your version of success. What will fulfill you and communicate that with people in your circle, if not years later, you might regret that friendship or that relationship because then you realized somebody was holding you back. You were holding them back and you don't want that resentment. I'd rather just attack the elephant in the room right now than ten years later.

>> Speaker A: That's right. Yeah. Rather deal with it now. And one last thing. If anybody is going through some trauma, pain and they feel stuck, what would be your last words of wisdom for them?

>> Speaker B: I would first look at what are some things that you're grateful for and next is remind yourself that you're undefeated. You're undefeated because you're still alive. And you can count 5500 or 500,000 situations that you've been through that you actually went through and you're still here. So technically, unless you're dead, in this definition you're alive. So you're undefeated. So everything somebody went through, they're actually winning because they went through that thing. So it's a reminder to say, you know what? I am stressed right now. This is happening. But look at all these other hundred things that I went through, I'm still here. I'm still standing. Challenge accepted. Let's keep going.

>> Speaker A: Challenge accepted, indeed. Words of wisdom from Derek Johnson, the veteran turned life coach who has helped over 500 clients. Thank you so much, Derek. This has been an amazing conversation.

>> Speaker B: Thank you, Roberta.

>> Speaker A: My pleasure. And before you go, where can we find you on the web?

>> Speaker B: They can find me at fit with Derek two. The number two. And that's D-E-R-I-C-K. Fit with Derek two. That's on instagram. Or they could just type my name Derek Johnson on anything. It's the same picture. My whole intent is to plant seeds, make people think, make people uncomfortable, so they stop wasting their potential. That's my whole intent. When they're about to hit snooze in bed, they think of my video or my post. They're like, yeah, let me get my butt out of bed.

>> Speaker A: I'm still jealous of people who can sleep after this. Anyway, I'll put those, details on the show notes. Thank you so much, Derek, for being on the show today.

>> Speaker B: Thanks for having me.

>> Speaker A: My pleasure. Thank you for joining the speaking and communicating podcast once again. The speaking and communicating podcast is part of the b podcast network, where there are many other podcasts that support you in being a better leader and becoming the change you want to see. To learn more about the bpodcast network, go to bpodcastnetwork.com. Don't forget to subscribe. Leave us a rating and a review on Apple and Spotify, and stay tuned for more episodes to come.