Speaking and Communicating Podcast

Welcome back to the Speaking and Communicating podcast. I am your host Roberta. If you are looking to improve your communication skills, both at work and personally, and if you are looking to improve yourself overall, this is the podcast for you today. I'm joined by Alan Lazaros. He is the CEO and co-founder of Next Level University. So.
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As you listen to him, you will realize that after this episode, you need to contact him in order to take your life to the next level. Before I go any further, please help me welcome Alan. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very grateful to be here. Mastering the art of communication has taken me 33 years and I'm still on that journey. I will never stop that journey. I think that oratory through speaking, writing.
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talking directly with people, podcasting, training. I think communicating effectively with other people is one of the biggest challenges in the world. So I'm grateful you have a podcast about that. I'm grateful that you're here. This podcast really is about communication. Now, I remember growing up, we used to guess, when they say the divorce rate is high, what do you think is the number one reason people get divorced so much? I used to think finances without a doubt.
01:09
And how wrong are wise to realize that actually communication is the number one reason we have such a high divorce rate? Why do you think that is? I think that without effective communication, you can't really be on a team. And I think of it like this picture two ships in the water. One is sailing in one direction, one is sailing in the other direction. You can't really go to the same destination together, aka the same destiny, unless you communicate effectively and weather the storms together as a team.
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you can't build trust without effective communication because you can't read each other's minds. So Emilia and I, we've been together two and a half years and she's my intimate partner and we communicate every single day. I mean, I can't remember a day since I met her that we go without expressing vulnerably whatever our truth is. And I'm not exaggerating. I mean, we never go a day without at least touching base about something before we lived together. We used to send these long audios to each other. It was kind of like customized little podcasts just for each other.
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And that's why we work so well as a team. We have a podcast together and that's about intimate relationships and how to improve them. And on the podcast, we talk about this all the time. Whenever we're not on the same page, we identify that, and then we rectify that. And the way you rectify that is having a vulnerable, honest conversation so that you can get back on the same team. It can be something simple, like the dishes. It can be something simple, like we're not spending enough time together, whatever it is.
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So I think that they say finances, kids, careers, all these things are what split couples up. At the end of the day, problems and challenges are a part of life. There's no one on this earth. I coach people all over the world, all different countries, all different cultures, all different backgrounds, all different industries, all different careers, some business owners, some not, and every single one of them has problems. They have challenges. The only way to overcome challenges as a team is to communicate effectively.
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I was an engineer back in college and I used to think technical skills were what was going to matter most because I did really well in high school. And then I went to one of the top tech schools in the world. It's called Worcester Polytechnic Institute. It's kind of like a mini MIT. And I was not the smartest. I wasn't in my high school. I think I was in the upper part, but I wasn't the smartest, at least in engineering. But when I went into the workforce, I rose very quickly and I did very well because I could speak to all the different walks of life. I could speak to the engineers. I could speak to marketing. I could.
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speak to manufacturing. I could speak to the quality assurance people. I was a global product manager who had no authority, but had all the responsibility. And I was bringing all these different types of people together through communication. And I do think that that's one through line for my life is I've always been able to figure out how to communicate and collaborate with a lot of different types of people.
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And I didn't realize how valuable that was until later in life, honestly. It's interesting you talk about engineering because that's the reason this podcast was founded. I also have an engineering background. In my career, I also realized it's not the smartest guy who sits in his cubicle with all this huge, in complicated drawings that's gonna be given leadership positions, especially people who can speak up. Because since you talk about trust, how are you able to trust someone who hardly says anything? You don't know them.
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And so what I found was clients, there comes a time when if you work well with people, clients don't even ask other companies to bid for a job anymore. They just give it to you. They just call the company and say, may I speak to Alan? Because they want to work with you based on the fact that you are able to communicate and collaborate with people like you said. And then speaking of being vulnerable, I'm guessing you and Emilia, you were not vulnerable the first few dates, right?
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Believe it or not, I think we're the rarity in this. Believe it or not, we were pretty vulnerable right out of the gate. Yeah. But we both were very into self-improvement and effective communication long before that. She actually was someone who suggested a podcast episode for our podcast. And so we were already kind of talking through that, but we're a rarity. We were vulnerable right out of the gate. I think we were done with any sort of fluffy games, so to speak, when it comes to dating, I think we were just, okay, listen, this is who I am.
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This is what I am. And we worked right from the get. I think that we're probably the rarity. I've never experienced anything like that before. So we were vulnerable and she's an extremely strong communicator. She studies communication as well. That is extremely rare because in this dating age, especially a lot of people, when we just meet, you don't know.
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how the person is gonna respond if you communicate too much about yourself too early. And that's where being vulnerable becomes complicated. A lot of people don't know, how do I communicate to this person everything about me without chasing away? Because you don't wanna keep chasing people away and going first. Nobody has the time for that. So what do you think makes people reluctant to do so early on just like you guys did? Just fear. I think fear of scaring people away, fear of
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being manipulated, fear of not being seen as valuable. That's a big one, fear of being judged. It's interesting because even though Emilia and I were very vulnerable right out of the gate, in comparison to the past people that I have dated, we weren't nearly as vulnerable then as we are now. We've been living together, we're two and a half years in, so there's depths. And the deeper and deeper and deeper you go, the more vulnerable it is. I mean, even right now on this podcast, right? It's not easy to share yourself with the world.
06:24
And if you're a podcaster, you know that, but people underestimate what the challenge is to be able to share your heart and your mind and your soul with strangers. That's a very vulnerable thing to do. And so of course the people listening to the show are not going to know me at the depth that Emilia does, nor should they in some capacity, but I am going to be sharing some of who I am right now. And I think that, yeah, there's a part of me that's afraid to be judged or afraid to be disliked or afraid to be attacked.
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or, you know, maybe someone reaches out and says, they don't like what I said or whatever. I think that's what it is. Vulnerability implies risk and it's risky sometimes to let people in because our hearts are so fragile. And so we put on these big personas. I'll share this with you as well. I think this will be valuable. So I have this framework that I use where there's an inner circle, an outer circle and a third circle. So picture three circles. The inner circle is the truth of who you really are. Right. The next circle is what I call I one, which is who you want to believe you are.
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want to believe you are? Yeah, so we have the truth of who you really are, then the next layer is who we want to believe we are. And then the layer after that is who we want other people to believe we are. Yeah. And so those layers are layers of what I call BS, which is belief system.
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Uh, or layers of BS, right? Just like we all have, it's called the cognitive bias. We all want to believe we're in better shape than we really are. Is that as bad as it sounds? Because I mean, even motivational speakers that would say dress up for the job, not that the one you have right now, but the one that you want, which means even though you don't feel this way right now, present yourself in a better fashion than you are right now. Is that the same thing? It's the same thing. I think that's, that's the whole fake it till you make it thing.
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Right. So as long as you're careful about that coaching, 25 plus people all over the world, plus our 16 person team, plus group coaching, I've learned and studied from a lot of people, I just surpassed my 1200th coaching call. So that's 1200 plus hours of just deep behind the scenes work with individuals. I mean, I had a coaching call earlier. That was two hours and we were both crying. These are intense.
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And when you peel back the curtain of that many individuals from that many countries, from that many backgrounds, Canada, Italy, Australia, all over the world, you start to realize these patterns and there's not a single person out there who their truth, their I one and their I two are the same, but some people are closer than others.
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So we all have this persona, which is this version of us that we show the world. And then we have this perception of self, which is I one, which is this is who I want to believe I am. And then the true self of who I am when no one's watching my personal development goal, my mission, my integrity is how do I get those three circles to be the same? I want to live in a world where it's such a wholehearted, authentic life that I'm the same behind the scenes as I am right now on this podcast.
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Now that said, that's really, really challenging because there's a part of me that wants to put on a show a little bit right now that wants to look good or speak perfectly or whatever. When in reality, wanting to be better is a great thing. Wanting to look better, I actually think holds people back in the long run because there's a big difference between wanting to be better versus wanting to look better. That's a big one. Wanting to be versus to look.
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I think a lot of us fall into the look better circle a lot of the time compared to just wanting to be better. Is it more like a survival instinct thing? Is it more like this is what life is demanding right now? I don't have time for Ellen to just sit and be deep. I got things to do. I think it's both. I think there's a survival bias of I won't belong or I won't fit in. If people knew the truth, they wouldn't love me or wouldn't value me. And that's why everyone's Instagram is so...
10:08
including my own too. That's the thing. So polished compared to our reality, which is not that way. We all want to present our best selves to the world. It's very human nature because we're afraid if we don't belong, we won't survive quite frankly. But the other thing is, yeah, we're busy. You know, you don't always have time to have a two hour call where you go deep and get vulnerable either, especially in the workplace. If that's the context. In the work.
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I think vulnerability is not as present. I think vulnerability in general is a challenge and it definitely was for me. I mean, I remember when I was in corporate, when I was an engineer and I was all ones and zeros for lack of better phrasing. And I still have that part of me, right? I'm a very math directed, self-disciplined, structured individual. That will be clear.
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But there's this other side of me that's very vulnerable and communicates effectively. And I think we need to integrate the two and try to balance the two. And I think the workplace tends to be much more professional and much less vulnerable. I think that that's starting to erode because we're all working from home now. And I think that's the shift in the 21st century that's happening. We're starting to integrate life and work more instead of like, I have this one persona at work and I have this one persona at home.
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And I'm going to put on, you know, mom hat or dad hat when I'm home. And then I'm going to put like professional hat on when I'm at work. For me, I want to integrate them. Now don't get me wrong, right? After this, I'm going to get in my gym clothes and I'm going to veg out a little bit, and then I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to be in comfies, but at the end of the day.
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who I am should not change drastically from place to place. I think the way in which I communicate can change a little bit. Right before this episode, I asked you like, who are your listeners? What are their biggest challenges? So I'm going to talk differently to a second grader than an eighth grader, obviously, but who I am, I don't want to change a ton based on my environment. I would rather me be me in every environment. And of course, adapt that a little bit in terms of communication style, based on the awareness of the room or the person that I'm
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communicating with, but at the end of the day, I want all three of those circles to be the same. And I think that's what personal development really is. I think it's getting who you believe you are and who you want others to believe you are to be the same as who you really are. Yeah. Earlier, you were talking about how when we try to get a message across of who we are, sometimes the challenge is getting the other person to decode it to themselves the way we want them to.
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we intended and usually that doesn't go well. What can we do to articulate ourselves in a way that if I tell you something about myself, you will interpret it the way that I meant. That is the biggest challenge in the entire world. Right there. That question has humbled me my entire life. I think I'm a strong communicator. Hopefully to anyone listening, they'll agree with that. I still have not had that one figured out, but here's what I can say. You need to be so aware.
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about the human condition that you understand the belief system that they're filtering you through. The best way I can describe it is through this concept called paradigms. So I try to pick up on everybody's paradigm. A paradigm is a deep belief about yourself and a deep belief about the world. So every human being has one deep belief about themselves and the world that kind of runs them. And I'll give you an example. So there's something called a mission centered paradigm, there's something called a future oriented paradigm, there's a goal oriented paradigm, growth oriented paradigm, pleasure centered paradigm.
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Pleasure centered paradigm is a deep belief that life is about enjoyment and fun. And that's what I grew up in. And so there's a bunch of different paradigms. Some people have a church centered paradigm and their whole life revolves around church. Some people have a work centered paradigm and their whole life revolves around work.
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Those are like the quote unquote workaholics of the world. And so everyone has these different paradigms. And so if you want to communicate effectively with someone else, you have to go in knowing in advance what their paradigm is, what is their belief about the world and their belief about themselves. So for me, I have a mission centered paradigm and I didn't always little backstory when I was 26 years old, I was in corporate making
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tons of money, achieved all my dreams, well on my way to my bigger dreams. I got in a car accident. My father passed away in a car accident when he was 28. I was two at the time that my, thank you. So when my father passed away, I was only two. But when I was 26, I got in a bad car accident. I was like, whoa. And I've seen the pictures of my dad's car and my car did not look very different. So fortunately I was okay, but it really messed with me. So I started questioning my whole life and I questioned my paradigms. I now have a mission centered paradigm.
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My mission in a nutshell, it's really our mission at NLU is to bring holistic self-improvement to the masses. So everything we do and don't do is from that place. And even here, I'm talking about self-improvement really. And we do that through speaking and podcasting and coaching and consulting and training and all that, but that's my paradigm. So if you have a mission-centered paradigm too, you and I are going to get along really well and I can just kind of be me and you'll resonate. What I've found really challenging.
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is if I'm talking to someone with a pleasure centered paradigm, who does not believe self improvement is important, it's going to be a lot harder for me to communicate with them in a way that they get it and that they understand me. And so the best answer that I have thus far at 33 years of age is you have to understand your paradigm and you have to understand their paradigm. And then you have to understand where you can integrate and bridge the gap. So I'll give an example back before my car accident, I definitely had a goal oriented paradigm. I had a friend centered paradigm.
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And I had a pleasure centered paradigm. So number one was goals. Number two was friends and number three was pleasure. And so I partied a lot. I had tons of friends and I had big, big audacious goals. So if I was communicating with that version of Alan, I have a goal oriented paradigm now I would start talking about goals. I would be right on board with him, that old version of me. So you can go to where they are and then bring them to where you are. It's kind of like enlightenment. I can go to you where you are. And let's say you're in.
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pre-algebra and I can start teaching you algebra one, then algebra two, then geometry, then trigonometry, then calc one, calc two, differential equations. Like it can bring you along the journey because I came to where you're at. And so that's really what you got to do is you got to go to where they're at, stay you, go to where they're at, shake hands, and then kind of lift them up to that next level of awareness. And that's what fortunately we all can do for each other as leaders. And it's the biggest challenge in the entire world, honestly. And I'm trying to do it even right now.
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It's funny you say that meeting people where they are, we've been having a lot of these discussions on what we call toxic positivity, which is quite an oxymoron. And this has happened to me a few times as well, where I will have a discussion with someone, a challenge that I'm facing. And if I come to you and I say, Alan, this is the challenge I'm having. What do you think? It's your mindset. Just change your mindset, your mindset. The word mindset has been so misused. Just establish where I am first.
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Before you take me to the mindset level and how I'm supposed to change it, do you understand what I'm saying? What is going on with the self-improvement industry when it comes to the word mindset? I agree with you 1000%. So I think that there's a real injustice happening. And I say there's actually two personal development industries. There's the real one with real value. And then there's like the fluffy pretend one that like everything's just kind of work out because you thought about it. Right. One of them is candy, mental candy. And one of them is kale.
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But kale is good for you. Okay. The candy is just fun to listen to, but it's not true. I think there's toxic positivity and toxic negativity. And I think that there's a center point of integration where you acknowledge the problem you're having. You admit like, this is a real challenge. This is a real challenge. This is how I'm really feeling. This is what I'm really going through. And then you create some form of a vision ahead of where that is. And then you start talking about actual tools and tactics and discipline work.
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that actually gets you there. This idea that you can just shift your mindset and have things work out is not real. And don't worry because I think there's levels to this personal development thing. And I think that one of the levels that everyone has to grow through is this, once they find mindset, there's a time for them to just shift everything in their perception. But here's what I'll say, coaching people all over the world, I know this to be true. Changing perception is easy. Changing your behavior is really challenging. True.
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If mindset was all it took, everybody would be in shape. If mindset was all it took, not everybody would be getting divorced. So the average person is not happy. The average person is not fulfilled. The average person is not wealthy. The average person is not in shape. The average person is not fulfilled and flourishing every single day. And it's not because of mindset. It's because mindset is only one component and it takes discipline and sweat equity and learning and strategy, and it takes work.
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and effort, it's an everyday effort, self-improvement journey. And there's no one I've ever met who is holistically amazing at everything. There are some people who are better than most at multiple areas, but most people are really strong in one area, decent in another area, and then like pretty bad in one area, and I'll give you an example. So health, wealth, and love is what we focus on at Next Level University. Health is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
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Wealth is how you make your money, how much you make, is that increasing or decreasing over time. And then where you invest your capital. So that's health and wealth. Love is your intimate relationship, your immediate family, extended family, friends, colleagues, mentors, mentees, extended associations. So health, wealth and love, those are the majors. Very few people that I've ever met are 10 out of 10 in all three of those. Usually I know a lot of people that are wealthy, a lot.
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One of my mentors I could text right now who has a $500 million net worth. I've interviewed millionaires. I've interviewed billionaires. I've interviewed famous people. And I know a lot of people that are wealthy, but not healthy. I know a lot of people that are healthy, but not wealthy. And I know a lot of people that are healthy and wealthy, but their relationships are not good. And very, very few people. And there's a reason I know this because I want to be this third type. Very, very few people are healthy, wealthy, and passionately in love. At least for me personally, that is my focus is it's really easy.
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to be good at one, it's really challenging to be good at two, but being good at three is a lifelong journey that is just unreasonably difficult and it's worth it. And it's amazing. And I'm looking to be that, but I have to incrementally improve each one as I go. When I focus on my wealth too much, it takes my health and my relationships take a hit. When I focus on my relationships too much, my health and my wealth take a hit. And so now I have this concept called most important objective under each.
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thing and in group coaching, we do this as well. Being good at all three of those. I would have your listeners ask themselves this, which one's my good one? Which one's the one that I'm great at? Maybe you're an athlete. You're just awesome at health. Perfect. Okay. Which one's your bad one? And then which one's your decent one? Most people are really good at one of the three decent at one of the three, and then really quite bad at one of the three. And self-awareness is just acknowledging that. And the sooner you admit you suck at something instead of just changing your mindset about it.
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You'll get better. Everyone starts somewhere. You just got to admit it and work on it. Right. I feel like it's a word that's been used to be very off putting for most people who are trying to improve. So in conclusion, if you were to tell us one tip for each of these three areas, wealth, health, and love in order to improve daily, what could it be? I think the first tip.
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for all three is focus on 1% improvements per day. You can take leaps, but I don't think it's the important part. First tip would be this, focus on the small 1% improvements in each area every day. And then eventually over time, it will compound into magnificent results. Now I'll give you one tip in each category, health, wealth, and love. Health, I have something called the seven pillars, sleep, hydration, nutrition, training, mobility, breath work, and supplementation.
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What I would say for one tip is sleep is first for a reason. If you're not getting good quality REM sleep every night, start there. You're going to have better motivation. You're going to wake up with more energy. You're going to have better cognitive function. Sleep is so important. So if I had to choose just one, just sleep, focus on sleep under wealth. There's three things that matter in my opinion. One is how much money you actually earn. So learning how to earn more money is number one. Number two is learning how to spend less money.
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lower your expenses. And then number three is learning how to invest intelligently for the future. Most people in those three, you have one that you're really good at, one that you're decent at and one that you probably are pretty bad at. So my co-host, Kevin, was really good at earning more money, but also really good at spending it and not getting and investing it. And so those are the three, I would say find the one that you're not good at and try to bring that one up. Love, I think everyone on this podcast probably doing well because they're focused on communication. Yes. Try.
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to express your truth more vulnerably, more honestly. And by vulnerably, what do I mean by that? I mean, try to get rid of this ego, try to get rid of the facade. There's a natural want to want to be perceived as better than you really are. So we put on this armor, and I had so much armor when I was a kid, and I know why trauma and childhood and stuff, try to let that down a little bit and show the true inner strength.
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that isn't fake and people will resonate more with what you say because it's from a true place. I think people subconsciously can tell when you're full of it. Yes. And they might not say it to your face, but they think you're full of it. It's just not helping you and it's not fulfilling. So that's what I would say for love is just try to be a little more wholesome and authentic in your communication. And you don't have to tiptoe around everybody. I did this really poorly for a long time. I wasn't very direct in my communication. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. And I ended up hurting their feelings.
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later by not telling them the truth. So try to be more truthful and direct. I call it hashtag truthful, but kind. It don't mean being a troll. Yes. Thank you so much, Alan, for being here. And before you go, please tell us where to receive more of this wealth of information. I appreciate you having me. Thank you so much. So you can find me at Next Level University. It's a podcast heard in over 125 countries. We're very blessed. We have almost a thousand episodes, which is cool.
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In the show notes of every single episode is my contact information, my LinkedIn, my Facebook, my Instagram, my email address between me and my two amazing executive admins. We get back to everybody. So if this resonated, please reach out and I hope to hear from you. Certainly will. Thank you so much for being here, Alan. Thank you.