Speaking and Communicating Podcast

I fell into suicidal ideations again for a second time in my life. And thinking, if I kill myself, my daughter will see that as an option. And I never wanted her to see killing herself, or that my dad wasn't strong enough to go through his pain.

That day, I stopped drinking, I stopped feeling suicidal, and I made up in my mind, I was going to dedicate my life to pursuing my dreams and showing her that I was an example of what to do with your life.

To take a chance on yourself, to fight through the hardship and the pain that life throws at you.

Welcome back to The Speaking and Communicating Podcast. I am your host, Roberta Ndlela. If you are looking to improve your communication skills both professionally and personally, this is the podcast you should be tuning in to.

Communication and soft skills are crucial for your career growth and leadership development. And by the end of this episode, please log on to Apple and Spotify and leave us a rating and a review. Now let's get communicating.

Now let's get communicating with our guest today, joining us from Las Vegas. Logan, no last name, just like Cheryl Madonna, is a cult survivor, a live TV director who also served his country.

He is here to help us destroy internal limits, heal pain, and live fulfilling lives. And before I go any further, please help me welcome him to the show. Hi, Logan.

Hello, Roberta.

How are you? Thank you for having me.

I'm doing fantastic. I'm so glad that you're here. I know this is gonna be fun.

Welcome.

Excellent. I'm excited to get into it.

I'm excited as well. So speaking of cults, is this a common cult? I'm not asking you to give names if that's an issue, but is this one of the common cults or it wasn't so widespread when you were growing up?

It's not very known.

As far as I know, there was one subsect in Chicago of it, probably at its max 500, but it was about 350 people. And I don't know of anyone that's been in anything similar. It was pretty fundamentalist and restricting.

And for your family, what was the appeal?

What was the thing that made them think, okay, this is something that we should be part of? What was the attraction?

That's a great question. Thinking back, because my family joined before I was born, it was the appeal of, I believe that the leaders were trying to, the leadership was trying to live a more healthy, fulfilling life.

For example, they weren't, at least the perception was they weren't drinking and sleeping with the parishioners and asking for a lot of money or doing things in that way, that some of the other churches that my parents had went to, they were doing

all of these things. They just didn't feel good in their spirit about the leadership and what they were doing, if it was of God or those types of things.

So while it was very much controlling in terms of belief systems and mindset, they felt like they were offsetting in the right direction, I believe.

Because here's the thing, and I know that a lot of people always search for answers. The world is going crazy. And if it looks like, especially if it's presented in a way that is pure, it seems to have some sort of direction.

I can understand the appeal. And now the question becomes, once you are in it, how long, do you know how long it took for your parents to say, maybe this is not the way to go?

4:13

Cult Life and Suicidal Thoughts

My mother was in it for about 20 years, and my grandmother was in it until the day she died.

And I have other family members that are still a part of it.

And they feel it's more fulfilling, it gives them the answers that they're looking for.

I think some people are more inclined to having this more restrictive belief system in what they can and can't do, because at least the way they teach the Bible and the cult is, your God wants you to live on this straight and narrow path where you

don't indulge in, you know, pre-marital sex. For example, I wasn't allowed to watch cartoons as a child. I wasn't allowed to eat chocolate. We didn't celebrate holidays.

It was super restrictive. And as a result, as a teenager, I was suicidal. I wanted to end it all.

But my struggles weren't because I wanted more than everyone else. Like I wanted the newest shoes or the fanciest clothes. I just wanted to be normal.

I wasn't allowed to go to gym class or recess. So every step of the way, I felt restricted from all of the other kids. I was just so not normal.

And I was aimlessly bullied and teased throughout my entire childhood. So I became suicidal. So to answer your question, it's really difficult.

A lot of people join for different reasons. They stay for various reasons. But I believe they genuinely believe wholeheartedly that following that more restrictive path, is the key that God wants them to do.

And not to say that a belief system is right or wrong. It just wasn't for me. And I really struggled as a child as a result.

And that must have gone through a lot.

I mean, if you think about it, even grownups want to be part of a community, want to be part of something, and you are always excluded because you live by these rules, which then begs the question.

If you praise God, that means you subscribe to the Bible, which they say is the word of God. So, which verses were justifying you not eating chocolate and going to gym class?

It's been many years since I've attended that religion, although it was very obviously, my formative years, it was deeply ingrained into me. They considered chocolate something that altered your state.

There's somewhere in the scriptures that speaks about, you know, no substances like alcohol or cigarettes or things that could alter your state or your performance. So they threw caffeine in there as one of those substances.

There's a part of the Bible, if my memory serves correct, that speaks about emulations and stressing your body and body modification. And so they threw intense workouts or sports or things that could modify your body as part of that.

So obviously, they wanted people to exercise, but it wasn't much past walking. Even, you know, I wasn't allowed to wear shorts, wear those types of things. The ladies weren't allowed to wear pants.

They had to wear long skirts and be modest. You know, it wasn't a compound, per se, where we lived and worked amongst those people that were also a part of the organization.

It was more of a cult of the belief system and how they wanted you to believe, act, think and navigate the world.

Which is how you live your everyday life. So when you started to have suicidal thoughts, what then? Do you speak to someone, especially as a teenager?

Do you speak to a friend? What do you do next?

As a child, I didn't really know what to do with it. I remember viscerally walking out of church one Friday night, and the street that the church was located on was on a boulevard.

And I remember standing at the curb watching the cars go by, and I saw a big truck, and I said... I remember viscerally saying to myself, it wouldn't be so bad if I just made all of this pain end, and I stood in front of it.

And that's a very weird place to be as a child. How I got through that, I can't honestly tell you if there's one concerted method. I didn't talk to anyone about it at the time.

I was afraid of my mom. She suffered from mental illness. She was bipolar.

And I didn't want to garner attention from my friends by saying, hey, I'm feeling suicidal. You know, I didn't want that kind of attention.

As an adult, when I look back on that situation, I kind of guess that I imagine I was afraid of my mother kicking my behind from beyond the grave for giving her trouble.

You really have an African mom.

Exactly. You understand exactly what I was like. As much as I want this pain in the hand, I don't want to deal with that from beyond the grave.

So I'll just hang out.

They are always the voices in our heads, aren't they?

Yes. So that's kind of what I imagine the conclusion I came to, even though it was a really difficult period of time.

9:34

Air Force and Iraq Trauma

So you endured that until you signed up to be in the Army?

The Air Force.

I actually ran away and joined the Air Force after I graduated high school. You know, the day after I graduated, I left. And it was a result of me saying to myself, I know I need to get myself out of the situation for my own sustainability.

However, if I went to college, I knew that they would still have a hold on me. I thought that the most radical wild thing I could do was join the Air Force and get away from it all and start a completely new life, be a different person.

To so many extents, it worked. But I also met other challenges in the Air Force that I was not prepared for.

Such as?

You know, going to Iraq, as a 26 year old, there's no amount of training that prepares you to go into a war zone and see bodies and see such really intense death and carnage as a child.

I remember at the base that I was assigned to Joint Base Balad, it was known as Mortarita Bill, which means we got attacked with small arms fire with artillery shells seven, eight times a day.

And feeling your mortality, feeling your life on the line every day for six months, I was there for two tours at night during the day, being woken up with alarm, Claxton and sirens letting you know, hey, we're under attack, take cover.

I came back from Iraq, a very different person than I went there. While my physical body came back mentally, I was still in Iraq for many years and I struggled as a result.

Do you get counseling?

Since 2009, from the first month that I came back from Iraq, been through cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR, all of that stuff. I am a huge proponent of dealing with your emotional issues and speaking to someone professional about it, for sure.

How long were you in the Air Force for?

Twelve years, one month, and 25 days.

What made you decide to leave? Oh, wow, you are so precise with your timelines. What made you decide to then switch and say goodbye to the Air Force?

Oh, my goodness.

Great question.

11:55

Overcoming Addiction and Redefining Life

After I came back from Iraq, I mentioned I struggled when I came home, because while my physical presence was in the United States, my mind was still in the war zone. And I was anxious all the time, hypervigilant.

At the time, I was married, and my little daughter was eight years old. I struggled even going out to dinner with the family, because I had to watch all of the exits. I had to watch all of the people.

I was worried about an attack. Because I wasn't present with my family, it eventually led to divorce. And I was in Belgium at the time, and I turned to alcohol addiction, and I wasn't sleeping well, and everything for me hit rock bottom again.

I fell into suicidal ideations again for a second time in my life, because my world was falling apart going through that divorce.

I remember very viscerally walking to work at 3 o'clock in the morning, drunk as a skunk, and thinking, if I kill myself, my daughter will see that as an option.

And I never wanted her to see killing herself, or that my dad wasn't strong enough to go through his pain, that that would be an option for her.

And as I sobered up on that walk to work at 3 o'clock in the morning, that day I stopped drinking, I stopped feeling suicidal, and I made up in my mind, I was going to dedicate my life to pursuing my dreams and showing her that I was an example of

what to do with your life, to take a chance on yourself, to fight through the hardship and the pain that life throws at you. And I decided to pursue my dream of being a live television director.

I ended up moving to LA, didn't know anyone there, and cold called hundreds of people, emailed thousands of people, endlessly pursued my dream.

I finally got one opportunity that I leveraged, and now I direct live sports, sports highlight shows, concerts, corporate events, fashion shows, all events of those natures.

And I'm living my dream, and at this point, I am looking back, saying, how did this happen?

And how can I help other people understand the neuroscience from being at rock bottom and pursuing your dreams, transcending the anxiety, transcending those limiting beliefs, so you can be the best version of yourself?

14:19

Crafting Identity and Beliefs

We absolutely love this triumphant story of everything you went through from childhood, the cult and the divorce.

And now, the place that you're in. And I'm wondering, especially when you're saying that you wanted your daughter to know that's not an option. Did you do the 12 step?

Because some people do the 12 step and it's still a struggle. How do you just make that strong resolve and say, that's it, I'm not drinking ever again.

It's interesting. And I think everyone's motivation is different.

But because I was in such a low place and I was ready to kill myself, I wasn't sleeping, I was miserable, because my rock bottom was in such sludge, my why of staying alive and fighting through the pain had to be incredibly strong, greater than

myself. And because I believe my motivation was bigger and greater than me, it became my identity. What do I mean by that?

Some people, when they are doing things for other reasons, they're doing it because their spouse says, hey, you need to stop drinking, your family is judging you for whatever reason.

When your why isn't a part of your identity, who you are at a cellular level, when you identify as a healthy person, no, you're not going to go get fast food, because it's not who you are.

If you identify with a certain religion that says, hey, we don't drink alcohol, it's not a temptation, because that's not who you are.

So I say to those people that are struggling, you have to dig deep, go through your trauma, go through your emotions, go through the skeletons in your closet, understand really who you are and why you are moving to the next level, and you will find

your why. And things become easier. No, I didn't use a 12-step program. I stopped that day.

That day, when I came home from work, I poured out my alcohol, threw it away. I was sober for many years before I said, okay, now I have rules around when I drink. I don't drink alone.

I don't drink when I'm angry. And those are my rules. I never drink more than two drinks in any situation.

That works for me. Everyone is different.

So you have control over it instead of vice versa. The thing about identity.

And I know I've had a guest in the past who said, if you identify as a healthy person who wants to run the Chicago Marathon, since you're from Chicago, you're not going to eat Dunkin Donuts every morning, for example.

How do you start crafting that identity if there's something that you feel you really need to work on and you really want to become this new version of yourself?

That's a great analogy. And that's a great question.

I think when transcending who you are to the person that you want to become, I personally like to write down those habits, those beliefs, what you say about yourself when you're by yourself, write them down and look at them and understand what's

holding you back. Because you're limiting beliefs. Man, I love Dunkin Donuts and a coffee every morning. But is that going to align with your goals of being a marathon runner?

To do it successfully and in a healthy way that you're not... You didn't get up that morning, throw back a donut and get on the track.

I would hope not.

Now that you have written down your current state, the way I view it is the old version of you must die. The old version of you must die. You cannot hold on to any of those characteristics in order for you to transition to the new version.

One of the things that I love about so many of our goals and dreams, many of them have been accomplished before by other people.

Find someone that is the elite marathon runner that you admire, that their personality resonates with you, and dissect what do they do to be successful.

Write those traits down, and now you have a blueprint of small measurable goals that you can attain to help you reach the level that you want to be. So it's really understanding the two sides.

What are you willing to sacrifice to be that version of yourself, that you can be proud of, that your younger version of you will look up to, and the next older version will be like, I'm so glad they made that change.

I'm so glad I didn't betray myself by taking another drink or eating the Dunkin Donuts.

A friend of mine loves to say, but you're betraying yourself, and you are going to feel worse about yourself after eating the donut and knowing I've let myself down. I'm not fit enough to run for the marathon, and it's going to be in two weeks.

It's true. It's true. All of those little goals, the promises that we make to ourselves, do we break those promises?

When we make a commitment and say, I am going to be this person. When we fail to reach our goals, it's usually two reasons.

One, we did not set an appropriate goal that's measurable, sustainable, that we can reach in a particular time limit, or B, our inability to foresee in the future, our level of commitment, if that makes sense.

So understanding the future version of ourselves, and if we're will still willing to make that same commitment that we made on day one at day 365, we're still there. And sometimes we mismanage those expectations within ourselves.

But when you make that commitment to yourself, you need to either have discipline, motivation, you need to create a plan that enables you to sustain that change throughout until you make your goal.

And speaking of limiting beliefs, and I know you might relate to this because I grew up in apartheid South Africa, what they call the hood in America, it was a township for us. We used to just get bamboozled by the apartheid police and school kids.

And when you come from that, there's always this thing of, oh, I come from this type of background. So these are my limited opportunities as a result.

So growing up in the South Side of Chicago, were there times where you felt, because of where I come from, these are the boxes that I'm confined to.

That is such a huge weight on people's shoulders. For that, I circle it back to identity. And who do you believe you are?

Those things that are placed upon us by our parents, by your environment, by what people said about you, or the television, or radio, or now social media, what you're feeding inside your brain, will actively limit your beliefs.

But one of the things that I'm so happy about, it is widely confirmed in so many scientific studies that neuroplasticity is real. You are not hardwired to be the person that you were when you were born. You can change.

So, going back to that identity, if you identify as this person that grew up on the south side of Chicago, that has limited opportunities, that can't do this, that what does a real man do? What does a minority do?

What does a person that grew up in this particular place do? When you realize that is not truly who you are, unless you let it hold you down. When you understand that you can open your mind, and you can transcend, you know what?

While I was told by my environment, that I can't be a television director, and pursue my dreams no matter what they are. That I can still live the life that I choose. You have to let that version of you die.

And believe in the neuroplasticity, believe in positive thinking, the power of negative thinking, manifestation. You must take the time to work the steps to become that new version of yourself and let go.

Now, also again, we touched on it earlier, in terms of therapies, you have to work through your childhood issues in order your body to be at peace with, you know what, that is a part of my story, but that is not how it in.

You know, just because that was a part of your battle does not mean that the war was that battle. You still have a whole nother version of you.

And you can create this new identity with this whole new version of you.

23:17

Media Impact and Daughterʼs Values

Speaking of live television and identity, I would, I'm probably gonna ruffle your feathers with this one. I'm almost 50, so I grew up on the Cosby show and those types of what I call wholesome versions of black shows.

I mean, obviously some of them were being aired in South Africa. And now, which I don't watch, by the way, but I've seen clips. Now you have things like housewives, you know, women jumping on tables and hitting each other.

Is that influencing the identity of black girls being brought up now versus if they had seen the Vanessas of the Cosbys? Is that having any impact at all? Or as most people say, it's just entertainment.

It's not that serious.

I am a strong, strong believer that everything you see and do and hear is recorded in the mind. And whether you remember it or not, at the subconscious level, you will hear and take on certain biases or certain identities.

As you say, the real housewives is a terrible glorification of people acting poorly and it's being internalized. The cycle is perpetually continuing to be glorified and people take on, oh, this is what successful people do.

This is what it takes to be on television. This is what these type of people do, so it must be okay. And it's really not.

It's really ignorant.

Obviously, there's always these behind the scenes and who controls what when it comes to networks and everything. As I say, it wasn't just the cosmos. There were a lot of wholesome shows.

And so what decides, because you're in the industry, I'm wondering if you can have some answers for us. Who gets to decide that this is how we're going to portray this demographic?

Like you said, it does stick in the mind and it does influence how people view themselves, if what they see on television looks like them.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Reality television isn't reality television.

It is specifically catered to a demographic, and they have to keep upping the ante and keep pushing to the next level to make sure viewers are engaged.

If people aren't watching your show because they're normal people, doesn't benefit the network, doesn't benefit the advertisers. It's a profit model. As a result, the networks and the producers will give bonuses.

They will poke the bear, for lack of a better term, to get people to act out, which then again, it's like, oh my goodness, did you see that episode last night? So-and-so did this. Exactly.

And thus, they get more eyeballs on their product. They can sell more advertising space. They can sell higher advertising space.

They get a better time slot. They can add another franchise to the series. They don't care about benefiting young girls' self-image or promoting positive body imagery or mindful thinking or anything like that.

That's not the model. The model isn't helping people. The model is making money.

Unfortunately, as we've learned with Jerry Springer and as you said, Real Housewives, these types of television, the bottom of the barrel gets the eyeballs, unfortunately. And it's the same with social media.

Of course. Yeah. The stuff that goes viral is not as wholesome for sure.

How old is your daughter now?

She just turned 18.

Oh, she's becoming an adult. This very thing we're talking about. What have you taught her?

I know you've lived by example as well, but based on the discussions you've had with her as her father, what have you taught her about the kind of identity she can continue to work on crafting?

My daughter, like her dad, struggles with anxiety, and she's worried about managing expectations and doing the right thing. And she feels the pressure. She's such a sweetheart.

She cares about other people so much more than she cares about herself. I also struggle with that. I was raised to be a people pleaser and help my mom because she struggled with mental illness.

But what I teach her is just because of who you were yesterday, and the struggles and the battles that you faced yesterday, does not mean that precludes you or that inhibits you from being the person that you want to be tomorrow.

Always have your eye focused on your North Star, because we're going to have bad days. That's human nature.

Of course.

But as long as you have an identity associated with your belief system and your values, and you're constantly working every day to be a better version of yourself, more in line with that, in aggregate, at whole, you will always be a better version.

You will always work towards your goals. And I keep it super general like that, because, you know, as a teenager, sometimes the goals and dreams change sometimes.

Of course. Even as grownups, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

But it's important for me to support her in everything that she does and let her know that, yes, there's positive role models, there's things that are healthy for you, and there's things that, you know, ultra processed foods and things of that nature

that don't serve your body. And guess what? When you put garbage in your body, you're going to get garbage out of your body. Ego.

Exactly. Exactly. And the same with what you consume with social media, with what you watch on television, you put garbage in your body, guess what?

You're going to have negative mental imagery. You're going to have a negative self-talk. As a result of the garbage that your body is being exposed to.

So she understands the fundamentals, and she has a great outlook on life in that way. She's also like me in the way that she's endlessly positive, too.

That's wonderful. Yeah. It is very important right now, especially in these days, to stay positive.

29:35

Integrated Growth and Resources

So what is your mission, Logan, going forward?

Man, I've hit rock bottom so many times. It's like rock bottom, all-inclusive resort and casino and spa. I've been there.

I got the frequent flyer miles. They know my name when I walk through the door. I hit rock bottom so many times.

But as a result, I'm so happy to be where I am because you need the dark days to appreciate the sunny days. I've hit rock bottom so many times and now I'm in a place where I'm really happy in life and I'm really balanced.

I do motivational speaking and I'm a personal integrated growth strategist. I help people transcend limiting beliefs.

I speak to those that need to learn about the identity, the subconscious, neuroplasticity, and military tactics to help reach your goals.

I really am passionate about offering those services to help people accomplish more in 90 days than they have in the past three years. And yes, it does require hard work.

Yes, it's discipline, but it's totally possible if you're serious about your goals. That is something that I love. I'm so passionate about helping people get.

You sound like a great accountability partner if somebody really wants to work on their goals.

So where can our listeners and viewers find you if they're looking for you?

Absolutely. My website is theloganunlimited.com. Reach out.

I'm happy to do a one-on-one consultation with you for free. Figure out your goals and dreams. And if we're a good match to work together, to help to get you wherever you're trying to go in life.

And I'm a big believer in integrated growth, which means mentally, physically, your relationships, health and wellness, wealth management, it all fits together so that you're balanced and happy and you can achieve your goals.

I'm also at the Logan Unlimited on all the socials. I give out tips. I share advice.

I tell stories about television, Iraq, the whole nine yards, and I'm always engaging and looking to help someone.

Okay, Logan Unlimited, we're gonna put that all on the show notes. Thank you very much for being here. And most importantly, thank you for sharing with us on how we can create new identities and remove limiting beliefs.

Thank you, Logan.

Thank you so much, Roberta. I appreciate you.

My absolute pleasure. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a rating, and a review on Apple and Spotify, and stay tuned for more episodes to come.