Speaking and Communicating Podcast

Welcome back to the Speaking and Communicating Podcast.

My name is Roberta.

If you are interested in improving yourself, improving your communication skills, this is the podcast for you.

Today, we have the privilege of being joined by Brad Dalton.

He is the founder and CEO of the Brad Dalton Group.

He is a public speaker, the host of the Best Self Podcast, and wrote the Bestseller, DNA of A Winner.

And before I go any further, please help me welcome Brad.

Hi, Brad.

So excited to be with you, friend.

Thanks for inviting me on your Cool Kid cast here.

Cool Kid cast.

I love it.

Your energy is contagious already.

Tell us what got you started.

Are you still teaching?

Mm-hmm.

Yep.

All right.

So you're still teaching, but you have so many of these other things that I mentioned that you do.

How do you pack that into 24 hours of your day?

Well, I think you have to have the DNA of a crazy man because...

I could be your next book.

I think I'm the expert on that.

My bandwidth is spread thin, but the truth is I just love people are my juice.

People are my juice.

I have had to draw boundaries.

I've gotten a lot better at shaving the fluff out of my life in the last couple of years and drawing boundaries and making sure that my actions match my words in terms of am I putting enough time in with my family?

Am I where my feet are at?

Am I meeting myself where I'm at?

It can get challenging at times, but that's such a good problem to have when you're being sought after or you have these opportunities where people want to bring in to have an impact on their corporation, their life or their education or whatever it is.

It's an opportunity.

And just like anything else in life, I had the ability to say no.

Success is a choice, not chance.

I choose my success road.

It's hard at times, but it's not at the same time.

I don't feel guilty about investing in me.

That's wonderful.

Now, when it comes to boundaries, that was a very good point you made there.

First of all, congratulations on having people come to you.

That means they see the value you add to them instead of chasing, because I think that's a much better position to be in.

And then secondly, with boundaries, why do you think we struggle so much with setting boundaries?

Great question.

A lot of people have a hard time setting boundaries because they're shooting from the hip in life.

They're treating their lives like it's a hobby.

And when you treat your life like a hobby, you're going to get what you kind of deserve.

I don't believe we rolled out of bed to be mediocre this morning.

But that's what happens when you shoot from the hip, when you have no plan, when you don't live life with intention, when you don't have thinking with intention.

And people that generally have a hard time with boundaries are either fit into that category or on the other end of the spectrum.

These are fantastic people.

These are eager to please people.

These are people that don't like to let other people down, have hearts bigger than the monitor I'm looking at right now.

They're phenomenal human beings and they live life out of fear.

They're fearful of letting other people down.

So ironically, these people that have these really good hearts, they're empathetic, they're probably fantastic friends, probably fantastic parents.

A lot of times those same people get trampled in life because they don't set boundaries, because they don't say no, because they don't map out their success road.

So back to not having a plan, you either shoot from the hip or you have no boundaries.

So everything is just chaos, so to speak.

Yeah, I was that guy for years.

I speak from experience.

I always tell people I'm a recovering perfectionist.

I was that kid when I was eight years old that was given hugs to the playground duty in elementary.

I was always a really good listener.

I feel like I've always been a good friend.

I feel like I've always been kind.

But for years, life just ran me right over because I took on every single opportunity.

I took on every single responsibility.

I was the kind of guy that would probably take the blame even when it wasn't me to blame.

I would do that for other people.

What did you think that was going to bring to you?

What was going to be the payoff if you did all that for people?

Well, when I was a low self-esteem guy, I probably thought it would help bring me friends.

When I was super young.

Just wanting to do anything to be acknowledged.

Because there was a stretch when I was young, young.

I put up this front every day I rolled out of bed.

I put up this front that everything was great.

But everything wasn't great.

I was depressed on the inside.

I was not confident.

I put across this fake facade of confidence, but I wasn't.

When I was real young, like say in high school, I was blowing chunks after every track practice out of just nerves.

Afraid that I was going to let other people down.

And so sometimes when you're not a confident person, you do things that you know aren't right.

But if you feel like it gives you a shot at status or being seen or being heard, you sometimes do things that you know they aren't right.

But you're itching for someone just to acknowledge you.

I cannot imagine how many people feel the exact same way.

Even grownups, not just high schoolers, but mostly grownups.

The things they do just to have that as an outcome.

I ache for those people.

I ache for the person that feels like they have to be more than who they are as opposed to just all that they are.

Someone that feels like their best isn't good enough.

Like just rolling out of bed and just being me isn't going to be good enough today.

I ache for that person because it isn't like that.

What I generally tell people that are in that boat is, you know, those people that you're trying to get attention from, it could be a person choosing a job or a field or a lane or a college if you're a high school kid.

If they don't want you, that's not your target audience.

So you're trying to get these people's attention.

You're trying to go somewhere and you feel like it's the best fit for you.

But maybe it's not.

I mean, I don't know about you, but I've changed lanes and pivoted and I've had countless times.

I've had countless different careers in my life, lived in different cuts.

Oh, yeah.

You think it's the right fit, but maybe it isn't.

When I was writing my book, you know, I wrote the book, but I would send out little surveys and questionnaires to people I trusted and ask them what they thought of this, what they thought of that.

And they were all different demographics and ages and races and whatever, all over the map, because I wanted to see who was liking what.

I knew what I wanted, but I wanted to know who I was seeing.

Who I was connecting with.

And I had one guy read a certain area of the book and he said, Brad, if I saw this, if I read this page, I would just shut it.

I wouldn't even want to read the rest of the book.

And I just told him, I appreciate your opinion.

If that's how you feel, you're probably not my target audience.

I didn't want to read the rest of the book.

Yeah, I didn't get caught up and I didn't get offended.

I like authentic feedback, but it gave me an idea.

Like maybe that's not my demographic.

And that's okay.

The world is abundant.

You don't need everybody else's approval.

Exactly.

So how did you being a mindset coach, you're a teacher by profession.

How did you start being a mindset coach?

And is that what made you look into that based on how you were feeling?

Yeah, I started doing this quite a while ago, but I think great teachers, great coaches, people who get it.

We all got a little mindset coach in us.

You and I talked off air a little bit.

I mean, people go K through 12 in the United States and most of them never have one class on how to think.

They're getting great content.

I'm not downplaying all the stuff that they're getting.

I mean, you need to know your different forms of math and sciences and English.

You know, knowledge without having the ability to know how to use it or how to apply it or how to translate it will empower nobody.

I've always been a person that wants to motivate, person that wants to empower, that wants to serve.

If you see someone that's not happy, take a look at if they're serving because you can't not be happy when serving.

Unless you're never filling up your own cup, which is a whole different deal.

But people who make other people feel good for a living, people who add value to people's lives for a living, man, you get a taste of that and you want more of it.

That's the drug I need, the servant, leadership, abnormally awesome and positive drug.

So I started doing that years ago.

It gained steam over COVID, kind of a saturated market now because a lot of people have recognized that.

But I don't think there's ever been a more important time to invest in us.

I, for years, only served others and I never filled my own cup.

And I started getting fried, friend.

I was fried.

I think that we have a lot of that.

I mean, you look at health care workers right now.

You look at educators right now.

You look at first responders right now.

All those people are fried.

The number of people that are leaving all of those fields, like just mass exit.

So much.

So much.

There's a massive shortage.

Good people, servant leaders, servants to our communities are just picking up and taking off because they don't feel appreciated.

And they've been so busy taking care of others.

They haven't been taking care of themselves.

They're bankrupt.

Yeah, absolutely.

And what got you started on the podcast?

The podcast happened as a result of me wanting to find ways to serve.

So when COVID hit, I was trying to think of ways that I could still see my students have an impact on my clients, my local ones.

You couldn't see anybody.

Everything was shut down.

So despite me never having even watched a podcast before or listened, I hadn't listened or watched one podcast when I did my first one.

Conversations were good.

Impact was good.

Five months in, I was in 54 countries.

I'd never spent one dime on marketing.

The power of positive, word of mouth.

Just me going out, being intentional, adding value, and then finding people that were in that same lane.

Most people that I bring on wasn't the original intent, but it's turned into this.

It's been mostly motivational, inspirational speakers, authors, consultants that are into the same lane.

People have enjoyed it.

It adds value to them.

That's why.

When you started the podcast, did you get any feedback on what you found was the one thing that used to resonate with them the most, or just everything you've talked about in general?

It's such a great question.

You are slaying it.

Please quit showing off.

It's early.

We've got the rest of the day to look forward to here.

It's kind of a mixed bag.

They like the positive energy.

I've been told that I'm their cup of coffee.

I've never heard of that compliment before.

I'll take it.

Yeah.

I've even stolen it and used it a little bit.

I thought it was a good one.

They like the mindset.

And like I said, most of people, for your listeners out there, whether you're looking to do a podcast or you're looking to have your voice heard or you're looking to write a book maybe, and you're wondering what your target audience is, your target audience is you.

In my case, most of the people that really like my book or really like my podcast or really like it when I come and speak, they're my kind of people.

Maybe they don't even know it yet.

Maybe they're my kind of people and they're just like kind of right there on the edge and they have that in the tank.

Maybe that's what they need.

A friend brought them that day and they didn't really want to come and then they show up and they like this stuff.

So, generally the vibe on me is positive energy, positive leadership, mindset, a little bit of all those things.

When we talked earlier and we were talking about the book, one of the things that I would like you to just touch on is what makes a champion?

Because when we talked earlier, you said everybody's got it in us, but some of us it's lying dormant.

So how do we wake up the champion in us?

Oh, that's good.

Well, I'll tell you what, if you're looking to stir the purpose and you go out and stir the movement in someone else, we're looking to start a movement or we're not looking to just build a business.

We're looking to build a lifestyle.

And a lot of us get so caught up in building a business or building a family, building an education, you name it.

We get so caught up in that and we start looking at it as a destination.

And success isn't a destination.

The success road isn't the end of the road.

The success is the road.

So one, we got to realize that.

Two, I preach that we're so goal conscious.

I want to be growth conscious.

Let's get growth conscious.

Let's get caught up in getting better today.

Let's get caught up in being.01% better today.

Let's get caught up in that.

Let's get caught up in the process.

Let's get caught up in being our best self.

We all have our own version, our unique, abnormally awesome blueprint to awesome.

We all have it.

We all have it in the tank.

And the thing about us is it's all unique to us.

No one can do it the way you do it.

A lot of people have a hard time knowing where to start.

The first step is just the first step.

Just taking a small step.

You don't solve big problems with big solutions.

You solve big problems with nudging in the direction of your desired identity.

That's it.

That's success.

Success is am I moving in the direction of my desired identity?

And that's going to look different for me than it will for you.

It's going to look different for all of us.

And the best self travels.

The best self doesn't discriminate.

The best self doesn't care what your color of your skin is.

The best self doesn't care how much money you make.

The best self doesn't care what country you're from.

The best self doesn't care about any of that stuff.

The best self cares about you.

It wants you to be the best version of you.

And so we don't need anyone's permission to be that guy.

We don't need anyone's permission to be the best version of us.

In fact, nobody in life has an edge on us without our permission.

You know, you ask like, how do we get rock?

And how do we realize that you start getting intentional and you start being calculated?

What I would do, I would create an audit.

If you're a listener out there, create an audit of your thought patterns.

Like, what was I thinking when this happened?

Because everyone always sees the end result.

Everyone always sees the destination.

Everyone always sees the data, whatever happens at the end.

But there was a whole process of habits and there was a whole process of occurrences or there was just a bunch of events that led up to that.

Yeah, it's a snowball effect.

It's never the obvious answer.

There was a bunch of stuff that led you to that point.

And most of it, it's between the ear stuff.

I mean, 99% of our thoughts today are the same thoughts we had yesterday.

99% of our thoughts today are the same thoughts we had yesterday.

So we have to get intentional about how we break those up or repeat them.

If they were good ones, I am aware of that stat.

So I'm going to repeat that.

If I didn't feel like I grew, I'm aware of that stat.

How am I going to break it up?

Because the definition of insanity is to do the same thing repeatedly and expect a different result, right?

Yeah.

So that's kind of a long-winded answer.

But there you go.

Well, that makes sense.

Like I say, because more than anything, when you're talking about the validation and needing to belong and wanting to please everybody, one of the reasons is people want to achieve the tangible stuff because it gives that sense of validation.

It may not be real, but the success and how they define it, when you get there, you feel like now I'm going to be part of this group.

Now I'm going to be seen.

Now I'm going to be heard.

Yeah.

But can you blame them?

Right.

It is gratifying for sure.

But I would say that we definitely overestimate the event in life and underestimate the process.

People who overestimate or overvalue a result, that's not sustainable.

If you want an award or all that stuff, that is a significant deal.

Like if I want a Grammy tomorrow, that's pretty significant, right?

If I won, I'm not devaluing any of that stuff.

But people whose eyes are on that prize, generally, it's not sustainable.

They didn't win.

It's the only thing, the only life focus.

Well, it's like this.

When I got married, we didn't really get married that day.

We built our resume leading up to that day.

We didn't win the day we tied the knot.

We don't win big games the day of the game.

We don't win big interviews the day of the interview.

We don't win in life the day of.

We win with the stuff leading up to it.

Every once in a while, you get someone that's so talented and so smart that they can kind of slide by, they're a little bit freaky deaky.

But for the general peeps out there, that's not how it works.

No, and the reason I bring that up, I don't know if you do ever read sometimes when there's comments on some celebrity, on billionaire guy and something happens to them.

And usually people will say, Oh, please, Jade Bezos, you don't have problems.

You've got billion, you're the richest man in the world.

Especially if that person maybe gives an interview and they say, I'm unhappy or I'm letting this go in my life.

I'm trying to be like, if I had a billion dollars, I'd be happy.

What's your problem?

You know what I mean?

People think that's the sure.

Sure.

Yeah.

Not really the case.

Everyone's got junk in the trunk.

You know, some of us have I call having too many socks in the top drawer.

Yeah, we all got stuff.

We all got money can hide it sometimes, but no, but it's so much more enjoyable if inside your mindset is right.

You are OK with who you are and you have the right reasons to strive for whatever you're striving for and you're getting better.

Like you said.

Amen.

Yeah, for sure.

Any last words before we shut out your social media handles?

I would just encourage everyone to be a chief encouragement officer for somebody today.

Go out.

Kindness takes no special ability.

Hustle takes no special ability.

Being empathetic takes no special ability.

Go out and have a positive influence on your community by design today.

You don't have to know the person to be kind to the person.

You don't have to know the person to be a positive influence.

It could be you just being super kind to the person in front of you and the dude behind you hears this and then they want to go do the same thing.

A smile is a universal language that makes everybody feel good.

So I would just encourage everybody.

Everybody is a leader to somebody.

You don't have to be the leader to be a leader.

Go out and be a leader, be an influence, be a positive impactor in your community today.

That would be my parting words, friends.

Thank you so much for that, Brad Dalton.

You can find Brad Dalton on LinkedIn.

Get the book DNA of A Winner from Amazon.

It's a bestseller and it will certainly help you improve your mindset and get better.

We thank you for being with us today.