Speaking and Communicating Podcast

Everyone truly can be an effective communicator, someone that can resonate.

In my situation, it can be coaching to keep you from being kicked out of the military.

And that's one thing I love about communications.

It can open up anybody's world to any possibility.

Welcome back to the Speaking and Communicating Podcast.

I am your host, Roberta Ndlela.

If you are looking to improve your communication skills, both professionally and personally, this is the podcast you should be tuning in to.

Communication and soft skills are crucial for your career growth and leadership development.

And by the end of this episode, please log on to Apple and Spotify and leave us a rating and a review.

Now, let's get communicating.

Now, let's get communicating with a special guest today, Mr.

Darrell Williams, joining us from Maryland.

He's an inspirational speaker and leadership and relationship coach who has served federally for 30 years.

He has been inducted into the White House Communications Agency Hall of Fame and there's so much more that he'll be teaching us today about what makes leadership successful and how to overcome the challenges thereof.

And before I go any further, please welcome him to the show.

Hi, Darrell.

Hello.

Thank you so much for having me, Roberta.

My absolute pleasure.

Welcome to the show.

Please introduce yourself to our listeners.

Sure.

So again, I am Darrell Williams.

I love communicating.

When I saw your podcast, I was like, that was the type I love to do.

Because I know that a lot of people want to be better communicators, whether it's professionally or personally.

So for me, with all the things that I've learned in the military and throughout the government and in my own organization or company, it's not enough just to have accomplished some things.

To me, I find it is better to give back and pay it forward.

So that's why I love doing podcasts like this, because I get to share some tips, answer any questions that may help someone.

And if I can help just one person, Roberta, I'm okay with that.

Just one person that can listen to this podcast and walk away and feel like I have some tools that can make me a better speaker.

Well, we appreciate your very service-oriented perspective.

And I love that you say, because that's our theme as well.

We say, communication skills help you personally and professionally.

So during this conversation, we would love to hear how that very theme was applicable in your experiences in the military.

So when you finished high school, was that the first thing you wanted to do with your life?

You just decided, I want to go and serve.

They did.

And actually, back then, long time ago, the Army had what they call the Delayed Entry Program, where you could sign up as early as the end of your junior year, going into your senior year of high school.

So for me, I knew my senior year that I was going to the Army.

I just knew that the family I grew up in, we did not have a lot of resources at all.

It was four of us.

And I was like, man, if I can just get out and just do something and send money back to my family, it would be helpful.

So that's kind of what made me want to join the military.

And then once I got in the military and I was surrounded by these drill sergeants, I'm like, oh my gosh, they're terrifying.

But at the same time, Roberta, it was just something about the way they carried themselves.

You had to look past the screaming in your face and making you do pushups.

It's like, why are these individuals so good at what they do?

Who selected them to do this?

Right?

Once you start peeling back the layers, I realize, I'm not saying that I want to be a drill sergeant, but I want to be as good as they are within my professional military career.

I like the critical thinking part of that, because like you said, I mean, that's all the movies show us.

I've had guests who've had leadership positions in the military.

One of the guests, when he retired, went to the corporate world and they said, you were in the military, the military doesn't have leadership.

You know, that's the perception that we have.

But despite you being in the face of those drill surgeons, you were able to see past that, like you said, peel off the layers.

Absolutely, because again, after a while, you have to start learning your environment, looking at what makes that environment the way it is.

And then like I always share with people, what can you take away from that environment?

So for me, it was, yes, I have to do what they tell me and learn the skills to pass basic training.

But it was like, what else can I grab from this experience that I can maybe utilize later on in life?

Eat the meat, get rid of the bones.

Absolutely.

One of your modus is you say success is born on both sides of the street.

What do you mean by that?

Absolutely.

I always love looking at speakers when they speak.

And then you always read their bios or you hear about their backgrounds.

And what I found out, Roberta, is there are some people that are great speakers that come from maybe a major industry or maybe they were an athlete.

And because of their success, they've turned to become motivational speakers.

But I've also met people, Roberta, that weren't as famous, were not athletes.

But they just had a passion for wanting to help people.

And then those people that tell their stories, how they grew up maybe disadvantaged and had to fight their way through school and had to figure it out on their own.

I find that those individuals are just as effective as those celebrities.

So to me, I realized, hmm, success is born on both sides of the street.

Whether you're famous or not so famous, you are still successful.

That's so true.

And I love the storytelling part, especially when you talk about the ones that are not famous, the ones that we don't know.

When they tell their story, I don't know if this has been your observation.

Do you find that it resonates more with most people?

Sometimes if somebody is famous, had those kinds of successes, we think, oh, that's them.

They're in a separate world.

It's great to listen to them.

But hey, I want to go with you with regular people.

So what we consider regular people, when they tell their very human relatable story, that's what resonates with us, and we never forget it.

Verity, you are so correct.

I remember I was getting an award in Chicago from National Lewis University.

I was selected as their Veterans Outreach Person of the Year.

It was the NYU REACH Award.

And I remember talking to my sponsor the night before, and I'm like, man, already, he was saying, we do this for a lot of people every year.

So let me just pass on some tips.

He said, don't overthink it.

Don't try to say something that you normally would not say.

And then the last thing he said, which I thought stood out was, most audiences enjoy when people just share their story.

I was already halfway into my speech writing, and I was like, okay, all I need now is just the first part of the speech.

The second part of it, I'm just going to tell my story.

And it was definitely one of the best speeches that I've ever given.

And a lot of people afterwards came up to me and said, we really enjoy telling your story about growing up in Compton, and why you joined the military, and why you do the things that you do.

Had I not told my story, I don't think I would have connected with the audience as well.

That's so true.

Because we've heard a lot of the concepts, haven't we?

We've heard of leadership and empathy.

We hear these concepts all the time.

But what would distinguish Darrell from the previous guest who's been on the podcast who talks about the same leadership principle?

Exactly.

And the key is your experiences.

Like, I can share with someone that even if they grew up in a suburban area, but just be able to share my story of growing up in Compton, California, and growing up in the hood, their first thought is, oh my gosh, how did you make it through that?

With all the gang violence and the drugs, how did you survive?

And then just to be able to share those little stories of just a little thing that I've learned along the way.

And then going into the military and say, okay, well, everybody joins the military, but how are you able to be successful?

And again, me sharing those little things that I just picked up along the way and decided, I don't want to just be in the military.

I want to be something in the military.

During those years, was there ever a time when you felt like it's too tough, you wanted to quit?

A couple of weeks into basic training.

It's so funny, Roberta.

I'm just being honest, when I joined the military, one thing they do in basic training, they give you nicknames.

So if you're from Iowa, they call you Iowa.

If you're from California, they call you California.

If you got a couple of California people, they call you your city name.

I was under the impression they'll call you Williams.

They'll never say Darrell.

Oh, no.

Absolutely not.

No, they give you their own little nickname.

So they call me Compton.

So I was like, come on, Compton, hurry up.

When we got to the rifle range, right, there was this preconceived notion that, well, you're from Compton, there's a lot of gang violence, there's a lot of shooting, so you should master this very easily.

And I was like, look, if I grew up in Compton, doesn't mean I shot a gun before.

They're already breaking stereotypes.

Right.

So when I got to the rifle range, Roberta, I was terrible.

Even though they taught you the techniques and they tell you what to do, I was just not grasping the concept.

Drill sergeants, you have like three different times, you can go to this range, and if you don't pass up a third time, they send you home.

I had failed twice, and I was like, man, I cannot go home.

I can't go home being a failure.

I didn't even make it past basic training.

And what I love about what they did was, all the individuals that shot really well, besides the drill sergeant, they will send you to this other tent.

And inside this tent, the individual that hit 40 out of 40 targets or 36 out of 40 targets, they allowed them to be our coaches.

So they coached us up before we went back for the very final opportunity to pass.

And I just remember, listen to the coach, even though it was the same thing that the drill sergeant was telling us, it was just the way they did it, right?

Make sure you breathe at the end of your breaths.

Squeeze the trigger light.

Hold the gun tight to your shoulder, because it doesn't buckle too much.

And at that time, but had it not been for those coaches, right, and their ability to communicate what they did well to me, I wouldn't be here in front of you right now.

This is very powerful.

The differences in how the coaches versus the drill sergeants trained you, because here's the thing, we always talk about the corporate environment and how leaders can bring out the best out of their teams.

But then sometimes they think, I don't have time for this, I have a job of my own.

Very true.

And that's why I love what your podcast is about, because everyone can learn to be an effective communicator.

I'm not saying everybody can be a motivational speaker or anything like that, but everyone truly can be an effective communicator.

And what is an effective communicator?

Someone that can resonate with a message that is thoroughly received by the audience.

It could be in a group setting.

It can even be one-on-one.

In my situation, it can be coaching to keep you from being kicked out of the military to listen to, hey, here's what I'm trying to tell you that's going to help you achieve your goal.

And that's one thing I love about communications.

It can open up anybody's world to any possibility.

It certainly kept you in the military.

Were you then able to model the example that the coaches set for you as you went further in your military career?

Absolutely.

As a matter of fact, it also became, Roberta, like a personal mantra.

It was like, anybody that I can help throughout my military career, I want to do everything I can to coach them up, to help them.

So I was always the person that volunteered to be in a leadership role.

Even though I may not have known how to do it, but it's like, I'm going to learn it as quickly as I can, so that I can help someone else.

Throughout my career, especially later on, everybody knew me as the trainer.

Like whatever mission we went on, whatever extra time we had, I was the trainer.

Like I want to be able to bring up people, especially the younger military members, and allow them to give a class, right, on this piece of equipment, or on this particular process.

And someone would say, well, why don't you let the leader of that group give the class?

I was like, no, no, no, the leader of that group already knows how to communicate effectively.

That's why he's a leader.

But what if we put more time into the person that's on their first trip or their second trip, and they're not used to speaking in front of anyone.

Wouldn't it be wonderful for them to be able to practice in front of a friendly environment, in front of people that they know, and people that's not going to judge them?

Yeah, because that's what we always say.

A lot of people are afraid to speak in front of an audience.

Those are the reasons.

They've never even had an opportunity to practice in front of a group that wouldn't judge them, of a group that roots for them.

And so they don't know that there's even the possibility that an audience like that exists.

You're exactly right.

So I remember one of those missions I was on, and the individual was going to give a training class the next day.

And I would always find my way to that person the day before and just check in.

Right.

How are you doing?

How are you feeling about tomorrow?

And I remember this one individual, Bertha, he was so nervous.

He was like, I don't know, Mr.

Williams.

I don't know if I can do this.

I'm just not a speaker.

I'm like, okay, let's back up.

I said, you are a technical profession, right?

I'm the operations lead.

I know nothing about this equipment that you're going to talk about.

So you already have an advantage.

Even if you said the name of the part in the wrong way, I wouldn't even know the difference.

You are the expert here.

And I just had to let them know, Bertha, lean into what you know.

Don't worry about, I need to get this exactly right, or I need to say the term the right way, or I don't want to miss one of the steps in the process.

Just tell it the way you know it.

Tell it the way we're going to understand it.

Because I told them, Bertha, if you really explain it to us, the exact way that it should work, you're probably going to lose us.

Because we're not going to understand it.

But if you summarize it and just say, this particular piece here, this is what this does.

And when it goes from this piece of equipment, to that antenna, it basically transfer the information.

Like just say it in a very normal way, and don't worry about the technical part of it.

And once I told that to him, the next day, I tell you, Bertha, he knocked it out the park.

You would have thought that he was teaching on this piece of equipment and this process over a long period of time.

And all he had to do was relax, trust himself, and then remember, you're the expert in this conversation.

You're the expert in this conversation.

And I'm so pleased by the fact that you explained to him the difference in his audience, that you guys had no idea what he was talking about anyway.

He can just summarize it in layman's terms.

And if he was talking to his colleagues in the technical field, he would then adjust his presentation to be technical, because that's all it is.

You're exactly right.

And the example you gave goes back into knowing your audience, right?

When I'm speaking in front of an organization, first thing I ask the individual that invited me is, what do you want your audience to get out of this?

What's the appearance and the dress of the event?

Because again, although I'm used to wearing suits and ties, this is a casual event.

But me coming with a suit and tie may automatically put me at a disadvantage because the audience may say, you don't even know anything about us.

Why is he all dressed up and we're regular?

Does he think he's better than us?

So you have to find a way to know your audience and you can know them in so many different ways.

So even if I made a mistake and the person said, oh no, it's business attire.

And I get to a place and they go, oh, I'm sorry.

I meant to say business casual.

No problem.

Take off the tie, put it in my pocket, open up the jacket.

Hey, let's talk.

Then it does look business casual.

Yeah.

Because the first impression of your audience, like you said, you're one of them and say they're most likely going to listen to you.

Absolutely.

And that's why you mentioned earlier about the storytelling.

That's one thing I pride myself on as being a good storyteller.

If I know, again, the group, the audience, the goal, I will always find a story that I believe can resonate with them and either highlight my three key points that I want to share, sharing a personal story, if I feel like that's going to help them.

And if it's a facilitation where I'm going back and forth, you know, then that's one opportunity where you get the advice and want to stand up.

And if they feel comfortable and if they would like to share an example of this particular item that we're talking about, feel free to do that.

So a lot of times, as a speaker, you have to stop focusing on yourself.

You really need to focus on your audience.

And what is it that they need at that time for that moment?

Because it's about them and not you, the speaker.

Hence, a lot of the self-conscious, how do I look and what are they going to think?

A lot of the self-consciousness that creates the anxiety will be gone if the focus is them instead of yourself.

Absolutely.

And another thing I've found, Roberta, if the opportunity presents itself, is a lot of times, if I'm able to do that, I meet certain individuals that are coming into the event, right?

They don't know who I am, but I'm just greeting them, hi, how are you?

What brought you here today?

And just normal, regular talk, and then you go to wherever you have to go before they introduce you, and then they bring you on the stage.

And it's always cool to see people face like, hey, that's the gentleman I was talking to before the event.

He didn't even seem like a speaker.

He seemed like just a regular person.

So now I've already gained some alliances within the audience.

No matter what I say, they're going to feel like I already know him.

You created the report before the meeting started.

Absolutely.

You talked about volunteering earlier, especially if you're facilitating.

So if you need someone to come and do an activity, if you involve the audience, if you have people like that already, who are your friends, you're most likely to have volunteers if there's an activity that you want the audience to participate in.

Absolutely.

Because what I find is in almost anything, like you say, whether it's public speaking or people volunteering, most people are like, I'm not doing that.

I'm not putting myself out there.

I'm not going to embarrass myself.

So a lot of times as a speaker, you have to make people, one, feel comfortable, two, share with them probably an embarrassing moment that you did in a similar situation.

So they know like, oh, okay, this is not as much pressure that I'm putting on myself because the main speaker or the main facilitator already told us over time where he goofed up and made a mistake, right?

So a lot of times, again, there's so many different ways that the speaker can communicate with the audience.

But you just have to have that, I call that active listening, even though you're a speaker.

But what is the audience telling you?

What are they showing you as far as their body language, maybe their facial expressions?

I remember, Roberta, one of the best advice I got from a speaker was when they were in the room, if they could identify with a person maybe in the front or the first couple of rows, not the person that's fully engaged, but the person that's like, why am I here and how long is this going to take?

Because if I can connect with that person, and as I'm speaking, I'm looking at the room, but I'm always going back to that person to see if they're changing their facial expressions, maybe they're relaxing.

That can really be a good barometer of how well you're connecting.

So the ones that we say they're already in the bag are not as much the focus as the one who doesn't seem to be fully engaged.

Isn't that also something that you could use to sort of tweak a little bit what you prepared?

Absolutely.

Because if I make a statement that I think is one of my best statements, and that individual that I'm targeting kind of still sitting there like this, it's like, okay, so that didn't go over well.

Maybe let me give an example to that.

So then I come back and follow up, like in reference to what I just said, has anyone ever found themselves in a situation where this happened, and then this was the result of what happened, and then all of a sudden you had to find yourself trying to redo it.

And then almost instantaneously, that person who's not interested, it's almost like you force them to take a pause from their initial reaction to go, oh yeah, I do remember when that happened.

And then you go back and you play on, so how did you feel after that, right?

What was that exhilarating moment that you learned when you got through that particular situation?

How did that situation get you to where you are right now?

Asking questions while you're speaking a lot of times allows the audience to be drawn in and say, I know what he's talking about because he asked a question about who remembers their first mentor.

Almost everybody can resonate with, oh yeah, I remember Ms.

So-and-so or Mr.

So-and-so.

So a lot of times asking those questions can allow the audience, again, to really get more involved in what you're trying to say.

And it almost feels like a one-on-one conversation when you ask those types of questions.

Absolutely.

And that's to me one of the best things that a speaker can do, is when that individual in the audience feels like you're the only one that they're talking to, they feel like you made that speech just for them, your examples were directly there to help them grow to whatever they're trying to get through.

It's a wonderful, wonderful connection.

Now, let's talk about young people.

We always say we're trying to grow the next generation of leaders.

What are some of the things that you feel they can do right now to start preparing themselves to become leaders?

And it's not even about position, whether they're vying for leadership position one day, but just to build those character traits.

Great question, Roberta.

I believe that one of the things that we can do, and this is pleased, if there's anybody older listening to this podcast, please do not say back in my day.

As soon as we say that, Roberta, the young people are like, oh, another one.

He's just like my father.

He's just like my grandfather.

And we automatically get tuned out.

So do not say back in my day.

Another better way to say it is, hey, what do they do in your time now when it comes to this topic?

Oh, that's easy.

We do this or we say this or we say that.

So with me, one thing that I try to do with young people is find out, again, get on their level, right?

What is it that's popular?

What is it that a lot of people are into?

And every young person is into something.

So it's almost like finding that connection.

It's like an audience.

Find the connection with that young person.

If they say something to the effect of, well, I'm really into Minecraft.

Like, oh, okay, tell me about Minecraft.

What makes that game so different from other games?

And then you're allowing them to tell you why it's so good.

And if you notice, when you ask them about a game that they're excited about, the natural excitement comes out of their explanation.

And then when they tell me that, and I go, okay, so guess what?

The next time you have to give a speech at school, pretend that you're describing Minecraft.

Show that same type of excitement of, why should I be excited about the game Minecraft?

A lot of times, if we allow the kids to figure it out, instead of trying to tell them, say this, say that, it just turns out much, much better.

Yeah, because this generation, I don't want to use the phrase like in my team, but I find that this generation is so much smarter.

I don't know if it's the exposure to technology, but they're just so much smarter than when we were growing up.

And so if you show them the tools or you guide them in how to figure it out themselves, that tends to stick a lot more than, like you said, just telling them what to do.

If you tell them what to do and you're in a position of authority, they will do it just for the sake of the checklist and say, oh yeah, I'm done, Mr.

Williams, there you go, bye.

Instead of if you make them excited about it and they figure it out, they are really invested and they are more likely to do a better job.

You're absolutely right and I think that's the key as leaders and great speakers.

It's not for us to go and to me, let me find another 10 places where I can go speak.

To me, it's more impactful if I can find 10 more people, that I can help them become better speakers.

Yes, so that you groom the next generation of leaders.

What are the last words of wisdom you'd like to share with our audiences today?

One of the biggest things I want to share with the audience, especially those that have to find themselves speaking more, is know that a lot of your testimonies, and I'm talking about just throughout life when you're speaking, most of the times they actually come from the tests that you have going through or have gone through in your life.

So many times, Roberta, we get either embarrassed or uncomfortable with some of the challenges that have happened to us.

But I always share with people, like what if there's three people in your audience that can resonate with that same type of challenge?

And you're the only one that was bold enough to say, hey, guess what?

I didn't do very well when I was in school.

I was distracted, right?

I didn't listen to my parents.

I tried to do it my own way, but eventually I got on track.

I found out that what they were trying to tell me was good for me, and here's how I turned my life around.

I find that your test can really be a valuable part of your testimony, and it's hard to have any testimonies without a test.

So I always tell people the challenges that you go through in life, try not to look at them always as a mistake that I made or something that's going to keep me from achieving my goal.

Maybe flip it in your mind and say, hey, what if that test was meant to help me get back on track or to warn me about something that I need to change in my life?

And once you start looking at your challenges, not as failures, but as opportunities, you may find yourself getting closer to your goal than you thought.

That is so powerful.

And isn't it giving people a sort of blueprint when you present your test or your story like that?

Because somebody in the audience might be sitting thinking, I'm having this challenge, I don't know what to do, everything.

I feel stuck.

A lot of people say I feel stuck.

It's almost like you're giving them a blueprint, you're giving them a step-by-step process to get to the other side when you share that from your experiences.

I believe you're exactly right.

It's allowing them to feel like I'm not the only one.

I'm not crazy fulfilling this way.

Like, oh my gosh, I'm so glad it's not just me.

And then also when you give them that blueprint, it's also important to let them know that this is what worked for me.

However, you may come up with an even better blueprint, and that's okay too.

That's what's so great about life.

There's so many different blueprints that we can utilize to be successful or to be a successful communicator.

There's more than one way, and I think that's what makes it so awesome.

I sat in on an event last week.

It was a couple of us.

We were virtual guest speakers.

And the one speaker that really resonated with everyone, she was sharing some challenges that she had, but she said them in such a funny way, Roberta, that she had us laughing.

Oh my gosh, even though the bosses were so mean to her and so cruel and asked some crazy things for her to do, but the way she told the stories were in such a funny way that it resonated with the audience.

I just thought, again, like you just said, she gave us a different blueprint on how to share information.

I always applaud people who are able to do that when life throws all kinds of challenges at them and they find the humor in the experience.

Because I think even physically, they change versus if you just think, oh, why am I being punished?

I have all this hurt.

And I'm not knocking everybody who does feel hurt when things happen, but I really applaud people who can find humor.

Because I think a lot of comedians too, they, a lot of the experiences were tests and they turn them into human.

That's why when they tell their stories, we laugh for a long time.

It's true because we can see ourselves in those situations.

And I love the human part of it because the opposite side of that, most of the time, is pain.

And we try to hide that pain or we try to run away from that situation.

But when people can bring up a similar situation, but let you know how they got out of it and how they laughed themselves through it, it allows people to look at it from a different perspective and say, you know what, I don't have to run from that anymore.

It's okay to talk about it.

It's okay to know that everybody has a different path to success.

And how you communicate that is how you communicate it.

Words of wisdom from Darrell Williams, the inspirational speaker, leadership and relationship coach, who has been inducted into the White House Communications Agency Hall of Fame, and has been in federal service for over 30 years.

Thank you so much, Darrell, for being on our show today.

Thank you so much, Roberta, for having me.

I really appreciate it.

My absolute pleasure.

Before you go, would you like for audiences to reach you and where can they find you?

Oh, sure.

They can find me on Facebook, though they're still on Facebook, Alliance Seminars Coaching.

They can also find me on Instagram, Alliance Seminars Coaching as well.

And they can go to my website, allianceseminars.org.

allianceseminars.org and AllianceSeminarsCoaching on Facebook and Instagram.

Thank you very much, Darrell.

Thank you for having me.

My pleasure.

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