Speaking and Communicating Podcast

Welcome back to the Speaking and Communicating podcast. My name is Roberta and today I'm joined by Lena Thompson. She's actually my compatriot. She's based in the UK and she's here to talk about fulfillment that is starting to be buzzing word compared to what we've always been told to chase, which is happiness. So before I go any further, let's welcome this coach and speaker. Lina Thompson. Hi, Lina. Hi, Roberta. Thank you for having me on your podcast. And it's lovely to connect with a fellow South African. I'm so happy that you're here when we did introductions, even though none of us are home at the moment. It was good to know that we come from the same country. You are talking about fulfillment as compared to us being taught that we should chase happiness. What do you think is the difference? It's just from personal journey that we are taught to place our attention on outside and people around us on objects. and when growing up, we told that we've got to take care of the others and our needs are not important. And I believe it all starts from there. So by placing all our attention on outside, something or someone will always break our expectations because things change, people change, you know, they come and go, we grow up, our priorities change. So unless we learn really how to cultivate that happiness, fulfilment, passion from within us, I think we're always going to be in the mercy of some external event that we can't control. Yet we try so hard and I think the harder we try to control it, the more unsatisfied, the more disappointed we become. So for me, fulfillment is that peace of mind, that state of inner freedom that comes really by understanding who you are. How did you get started on this journey on pursuing fulfillment? I didn't really start pursuing fulfillment. I started pursuing freedom. I think for me, it was always like my quantum emotion is the freedom. I didn't know what it means. If you like, for me, freedom, it was ability to travel because I love traveling. I couldn't imagine like not going on holiday abroad or somewhere. I was always, you know, booking the next thing, doing the next big thing. I'm moving kids from school to school, maybe moving to different house because I thought if I just change my environment, I will be happy. I'll have something else to focus on. I'll have less problems to deal with. And eventually I've got to the point where I realized that no matter how many handbags I have, how many shoes I bought, how much money I made, it just wasn't really satisfying me anymore. And then of course the guilt kicks in. You like think What's wrong with you? You know, you're making like six figures, you've got kids in private schools, you've got amazing job, you're not right. Maybe it's a midlife crisis. I remember going even to therapy for that. I thought maybe something's like seriously, fundamentally broken. And what I realized is that I was absolutely rubbish at expressing myself. I had all of those feelings, but I didn't have that language to express them. And that's kind of made me feel even more frustrated. And I don't know how far that frustration would have gone to if I didn't come across Dr. Jodie Spencer. I don't know if you're familiar with his work. He is my favorite. I do a lot of his meditations. I listen to his explanations because he brings in the scientific explanation toward meditation, energy, and the brain, the quantum physics. Amazing. I'm so glad we've connected. I remember like driving to this contract that was about an hour, two hours drive every day in traffic. And I hated that place. I honestly can say I wasn't really adjusting too well there, but someone recommended him to me and I pressed play button and I was like, he's talking to me. You know what I mean? That feeling, it's like, oh my gosh, that's the next step. We just never stopped listening to him. Exactly. That was spiraled my change. I know someone who I'm listening and saying, she wasn't fulfilled, but I'm sure she must be buying the wrong ones. Our definition of success or society's definition of success, because at the end of the day, each one of us wants to feel like we belong, or we're chasing the right things that we were told at the end of that rainbow is the happiness that you want if you have these things. And it seems as though more and more people are discovering that that's not necessarily the case. I'm not saying those things are not in your trust me. I like nice things too. But people are starting to realize that they're chasing off the things themselves alone. If you don't feel fulfilled inside, you'll always feel that void, that missing piece. Yeah. And I think a lot of it comes, you know, like you said, if you want to belong, you want to feel accepted, you want instant gratification, I guess. But at the end of the day, I think a lot of us don't even see ourselves. Right. We want to be seen by others, but we don't see us. Right. You want somebody else to love you and appreciate you, but we don't love ourselves. So at first, we always put needs of our kids, of spouses, of cats and dogs before our own needs. taking time for yourself to meditate, reflect, just pause or do whatever you like, go for a facial, you know, even go shopping with friends, it's selfish because you should be doing this for the kids, you should be doing that for your partner, you should be doing that, so you're running an empty and you're constantly trying to give something to someone but you don't even have that something for yourself. It's a burnout, you know, because burnout is not a physical, it's not always physical thing, you know, it can be spiritual, it can be mental or emotional. And how can you really chase something and have that? long lasting feeling of achievement, of success, of fulfillment. If your nervous system is in a fight and flight mode, it's just not possible. If anybody is listening and they're thinking to themselves, I don't agree with Lena because as a wife and mother, I do find fulfillment in serving my family and being there for my family. What would you say to them? Are they? Are they not like exhausted? Because I'm a mother, I've got two kids and a lot of friends of mine who are mothers and everyone always tells me, I wish I had some more time. myself. Even five minutes a day. Yeah and then another thing to remember we all have a different purpose right in this life. We all came here with our own like instruction manual, our own agenda, at least that's what I believe. Nobody has to agree with me but for some of us it is our life purpose to be a mom which is incredible. I think it's a really important and most difficult job you know but for some it comes naturally right for others to be like a singer and a painter so we all have our different agenda and what makes one person fulfilled is not necessary. what makes someone feel. So if someone disagrees and they think like they give everything to their motherhood, it actually energizes them, it makes them feel whole and complete within themselves. Amazing. Then obviously they're living their life. The reason I ask that question is I don't know if you realize especially in this social media world, so if you feel differently about something then I either they call it shaming or fully disagree with you and troll you because if I find fulfillment in motherhood and you say it's exhausting and you need your five minutes away, we have come to an age where just even disagreeing and seeing things differently causes war. We think motherhood is so great for me it's supposed to be great for everybody else. And, you know, I think more and more people kind of beginning to realize that it's all about being unique in what we do and who we are and how we feel. But of course, there is a lot of still attention on the outside and I'm talking the whole time, you know, because I work with leaders and I work alongside a lot of coaches and there is so much talk about leadership. How can we can help others, how we can lead others. I'm like... Guys, what about leading yourself first? You know, what about, because when you know who you are, you know what you stand for, you know your core values, it doesn't matter what the person next to you is saying. You're not here to be validated. You're not here to seek everyone's approval. You're not here to be everyone's friend. If you think about it from the moment we're born, pretty much, we're conditioned to give our authority away, right, to our parents, to our teachers, to our friends, to our cats, dogs, everybody. You can make up our minds for us. So when we then wanna make a decision, action, we look for validation, for approval, for confirmation that it's good enough, that it's accepted as society. So we very much disconnected from our internal authority. And that's why I believe the problem is. That's a very good point. So talk to us about human design. So human design, it's a system of differentiation that literally shows how we unique we are. And it's also a binary system, which looks not just at your conscious part of you, like things that you are aware of, but also your subconscious. So things you may not even recognize about yourself, but what others see about you. It's a blend of quantum physics, genetics, and also some more esoteric scientists like astrology, in 1987. It's not that long. So why is it not as mainstream or maybe I'm the only one who never got on the boat? You're certainly not the only one and it's becoming more and more out there. A lot more people talking about it. You know, I mean, if you think about it, like 10 years ago, when you made it, if you like somebody meditated, you'd look at them like, what's wrong with you? Right? Like now, if somebody doesn't meditate, you almost go, what's wrong with you? And I know even like some companies in America, especially like Unilever, Forbes, I believe, help their employees with the mindset, with the energy to make decisions. Because the whole The concept really about human design is understanding who you are and how you make your own decisions. Because there's so much indecisiveness, there's so much self-doubt, there is so much recrimination, head confusion. It provides you with your blueprint, with your roadmap that is there to guide you in a direction that is skills aligned to your core values and your beliefs. Because it's just easy to get pulled in many different directions. You're without yourself, somebody tells you this, you're like, oh, let's go with that. It's like, oh, I shouldn't have done that. Why did I do that? And then you just like chase everybody and you go down this rabbit holes. So with human design, you understand first of all, how to optimize your energy because we all different. The way you optimize your energy might not be the way I optimize. It teaches us how to make decisions that are correct for us, how we're here to express and learn because once again, we express ourselves very differently. You know, we learn very differently. Some people learn is through research, digging in into information, but for others it's more about experimenting. It's more about like- Or some are more visual. Yeah, some maybe need like small community that they can bounce ideas with. That's how they learn. That's how they express themselves. Others maybe more for bigger audiences. So it really, really helps you then to achieve your goals. I think to achieve your vision was a lot less resistance and stay true to who you are. That is so interesting. Like I said, I had never heard of the concept When you start the program, you can actually even generate your own charts. All you don't information you need is date, time and place of birth and it creates a body graph. But then of course you probably need somebody to actually interpret that for you. Right. You can literally study that for many, many years. Yeah, so I think it will be just you can read up on it, obviously, or, you know, there is people who can help you read that. I know that society is moving more towards understanding quantum physics, how we are connected to the universe, our subconscious minds, etc. What about human design? So does it merge with those concepts? Absolutely. Human design, as I said, it's a blend of different studies and quantum physics plays a big role in that. So it really aligns. you know, being very kind of logical. I mean, my background is computer science. When I saw human design and I really began to get into it, first of all, it made so much sense, not just scientifically, but everything about my life. You know, why I had certain doubts, why... to be certain about things. Why is it like I felt like my life was experiments of trial and errors all the time? Why is it that I, you know, I was avoiding conflicts? Why I didn't have boundaries? Why I struggled to express myself? It's like looking at the chart. I mean, I remember I was completely stunned. I was like, this chart knows me so deeply. All of these things I suspected as a child. And then I've faced for so many years, it was there. It was like a big sigh of relief. lines just like short little snippets and this one woman goes Lena I'm in tears I don't know what to say for like I don't know how many 50 60 years she said I've been doubting I wasn't sure if it's real me I didn't know she says everything you've said has resonated 100% it is really powerful So it's from birth. It's not from when you say their child environment, you were brought up in. A psychologist will say to you, tell me about your childhood. This happened and now you have doubts and you have these insecurities and you have these issues. So you're saying your birth chart will explain why you have those things even before you start to experience a childhood. Yeah. So in human design, you know how Dr. Joe talks about energy sensors. Right. Yes. So in human design, you've got nine energy sensors. So you've got your head, your throats, your heart center, I mean, they've got specific names, but just to make it relevant. Now, some of this energy centers will have consistent supply of energy. And that's how you basically radiate your energy into the world. And this is fixed in you. Of course it can be changed because you can run, you can express every energy center is a high frequency or is a low frequency. But then in your chart, when you look at it, some of this energy centers can be open. So that means your energy is very variable and it will be influenced by who you are with. by all the other energies around you. So for example, if you have an open head center, so if you don't have consistent energy in your head center, you're always trying to solve answers and answer questions and you're prone to getting ideas from different people and then overthinking them and don't know which one is yours anymore. So it's always that constant overthinking, you know, and you're almost like, I don't have inspiration. I don't know what to do next. Where can I look for this idea? Where can I get in? But if you have a consistent energy in your head center, you are actually have got a fixed stream of ideas and thoughts you have to inspire others with your ideas, with your creativity. But if you are running it as a low frequency, you could be somebody who's almost manipulating people with your thinking. So you kind of planting the thoughts into their head. You want them to agree with your reasoning, with your thinking. that comes really from our childhood, the patterns that we have developed over the years, from the stories we've been telling ourselves, but then also from the previous generations, because like epigenetics and Bruce Lipson, I don't know if you're familiar with Bruce. Yes, Dr. Bruce Lipson, you know him too, yes. He talks about epigenetics, Dr. Joy talks about the Craig Braden, the old you. Yes. We carry up to 14 generations of the cellular memory. So it's not just even our conditioning in our life. So then the whole really purpose of human design is about the conditioning. How do we let go of this patterns? How do we express the highest frequency of each energy center within us? But of course, the more openness, the more variability you have, the more work really is required because not only you take on energies from the others, but you also amplify them. If you're stuck in your head, it can cause a lot of mental overwhelm. That's so interesting. I'm not sure if it relates to what my dad used to say. I remember growing up, he used to work for an insurance company. One thing he observed was people that we consider not smart, they seem to be more happy-go-lucky, no worries, because they don't overthink things. They just think about now, because they're not smart enough to just look at the bigger picture and worry about what could happen to the world, because this is happening today. The rest of us who think we are smart, we are the ones who are always stressed, When something happens now, we worry about the... potential future impact of what's happening. And he used to say he wishes that he was those kinds of people who just worry about now. Yeah, no, absolutely. You know, and I actually just did a keynote presentation last week. It was to group of, well, women, and I think, well, the men also, who most of them still in corporate environments. Our whole topic really was about the role of the mind. That our mind is obviously, the logical thinking is important, but it's not here to make decisions. It's here to get inspiration, to conceptualize, to rationalize, to categorize. But when it comes to making decisions, it's never our minds. Because what happens is our minds are designed to keep us safe. So if you let's say, wanting to maybe like move a country or buy a house or find a new job, the mind will try to get something familiar and get something known out of that situation. So it will try to predict the unknown and an unseeable future. When it can't do it, it's going to freak out, right? Because like, whoa, our viral instinct can extend and protect us. Yeah, it's here to protect us. So then what we do is we revisit like past memories. in the past, what experiences we had. We then go ask our friends, we check social media. So literally we accumulate all of that and then we scramble that up and saying. This is what I've decided. And that normally is not gonna yield the best results because this are very limiting decisions because when we get stuck in our head, we like create this tunnel vision. So we can only see things that are right in front of us. While there's like a whole universe goes, yeah, there have some more. That's where the magic is. I couldn't see anything. We've become so narrow-minded, I know. Yeah, so then the whole thing then becomes is like opening up, like standing tuned in and you can't do it with your mind. You can only do it through your body because that's where our... greatest potential for making decisions lies. It's in our body. Our intuition, like even Einstein said, what did he say? The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a servant. And we made the servants, you know, we made the master. Yeah, the master. Exactly. Where do you think we get confused when it comes to intuition and just our emotions really wanting something? So with the intuition, I think it's, first of all, we are all intuitive. We just very much disconnected from our intuition because we spend so much time in our head. When I mean in human design, it's very powerful tool then to help you understand how you experience that intuition and whether you are really energetically wired to make decisions in and out. Because we live in a society where we like, you've got to decide now, you know, like sign up for the scores, buy this book, get this job, move the house. Like some of us actually like 50% of population are not even meant to decide on a spot because when they do, it's pretty emotional driven and most likely they're going to make the wrong. decisions. So the way we experience intuition is different for each of us. And in human design, it's called your authority, your inner authority. For some, it may be in a gut. Like for me, I'm purely gut driven. And the more you practice it, the stronger that becomes. And actually, now I've been doing this work. I know when I'm beginning, when I'm in my head, I just know that I'm like, right, let me check with my guts. And even if it sounds crazy, if it like makes no sense, I'm like, I'm just going to go with it. And you know what? It's been magical. that have manifested in my life, like when I actually sit back and I observe, I can't even tell you. But as soon as I try and push and I try to initiate and I try to figure things out and I still do that, right? It's a process, it's a journey. The more you go on this journey, the more you become aware of it. Even if there is fear, it's okay, you know, I can push through that fear because of the feeling in my gut, because I know how excited I feel, you know, so you begin to experience it differently. For other people, it could be like an instinct. like a splenic authority. So that's all about that instinct, you know, a splenic sense is the ancient sense for survival. So it's like comes and goes, and you've got to act on that instinct. It's not really fast. Sometimes it sounds like it's gonna be too fast for you to be able to catch up. Looking in the body graph, then you can assess, you know, whether you are someone who makes decisions in the now, or it's better for you to wait for clarity. And then when you're speaking of your gut or listening to your instincts, is there anything in particular that you do with it, what can we do to be more in tune with our intuition? There's lots of things you can do. First of all, I just want to make sure when people understand that when people tell you, follow your gut, you may have no clue what they're talking about and that my gut might not be your intuition, you know, so it's not for everyone. Probably about 70% of us are gut, but the other 30 not. there's few things we can all do to really develop and enhance our intuition. And first of all, it's pausing, going down because we are so busy doing things. We are like drowning in busyness. And when that happens, we don't actually have space to really listen. But when you slow down and when you should start listening to the silence, that's been the game changer for me. You begin to get with time, this intuitive impulses, you know the next step you've got to take, right? There's no more to do lists. There's not 20 things you've got to do in a day because believe me, not all of them have to be done. Number one, I would always say just pause. And it's so hard, 30 minutes to an hour during the day, just sit in silence. And I'm like, right, what's my next step? And sometimes it's like, just be, just like go for a walk. Or sometimes like go around this post or maybe you should collaborate with that person. I had a conversation with my friend, Erin Korsh, not too long ago. She's also an energy coach. She's talking about breathing and how she teaches people that you can actually be more productive by pausing and taking time to breathe rather than thinking a list of 20 to-do list items on your day keep you more productive, which is a very interesting concept because we live in an age where everything is just... Action driven, action driven. It sounds a little radical when she says things like that. Yeah, no, absolutely. I couldn't agree more. And the thing is, you know, where's maybe 20, 30 years ago, we could get away with it, like being busy, being productive. But as our consciousness rises, you know, there's big shifts in the consciousness of a human. Those things are not working anymore. Not in the effort. It's more in a being. It's not in a doing. It's like purpose is not what you're doing, but your purpose is who you are being. Being. I feel like it's so true, you know, it's more about becoming the being, you know, that's slowing down, connecting. Knowing who you are. Someone once said, we are human beings, not human doings. If somebody wants to know more about human design and the coaching work that you do, where can they find you? Oh, they can connect with me on LinkedIn, just Lena Thompson. It's probably going to be the easiest. Lena Thompson on LinkedIn, Thompson with a P. Yes, just the way I think it's spelled on the screen. So yeah. Thank you so much for being with us today. I really enjoyed our conversation and not only that, but I'm going to look up human design and start working towards understanding my chart because it's something that I've never been explored. I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it useful. Thank you so much for having me.