Speaking and Communicating Podcast

Welcome back to this episode of the Speaking and Communicating Podcast. Today, I have Drew Jackson. He is the author of a literature book that he's going to talk to you about later. And most importantly, he wants to share with us some communication filters, which is quite an interesting concept. So before I go any further, please help me welcome Drew Jackson. Hi, Drew. Hi, Roberta. Thank you so much for having me on your podcast today. Thank you for being here. I was really intrigued when you contacted me and you said you were going to talk about communication filters. I know in this podcast we do cover communication, but this is actually the first time that I've heard of it being put like that. Do you want to tell us more about that? Yeah, definitely. So this is a concept that I've taught for many years to my clients. And it's something that I write about in my book, the executive leaders handbook and these communication filters, what I have determined just in my life and in my career. is that there are three types of people that all of us interact with on a daily basis. So we interact with those who lead us. So for part of an organization, we have a boss, then that would be one type of person. Then another type would be those that we lead. So those of us that are in a leadership position or even as a parent, right? We're leading our family and we're leading our children. Then there's a separate filter for those that we lead. And then there are. peers out there. And if you don't know if someone is leading you or if you're leading them, they're probably your peer. Yeah, yeah. So there's a separate filter for our peers. And what the filters are is for our leaders, we want to filter our communication through honor. With those that we lead, we want to filter our communication through value. And then with our peers, we want to filter our communication through respect. And that's kind of the overarching idea around it. That's interesting you say that. Have you noticed how you can hear the exact same message from different people, but you decode it differently? Is it because of whether you see them as a leader to you or that you lead them or they're your peer? I think the filters are at play. The old saying, right? It's not what you said. It's how you said it. And so I think tone of voice is in there. When you consider the filters, those filters are going to change your tone of voice, they're going to change your body language. If I'm giving a directive to someone, but I want to communicate value to them, I'm going to say it in a certain way that says, Hey, I value your contributions to our team. I value you as a team member. Whereas someone, I don't have to do that with someone that's leading me. Right. And I don't have to do that with someone that is a peer. I'm not going to say something in the same way to a peer that I might say to someone who is my leader. So yeah, I think you're absolutely right. I think it does play in. It's funny you mentioned body language and tone just last week on our private Facebook group, eloquent speakers club. I took the step words only count for 7% of what you say. And then 55% is body language. And then the remaining percentage is. tone and voice. There was a bit of a debate, you know, with some saying, oh, come on, my words can only coin for 7% of what I'm saying. But just as you say, yes, it's exactly what you say, but based on a different tone and a different body language, then you filter them through, is this my leader? Am I leading them or my peer? So those things are always at play. One of the reasons there was a debate is because people don't actually take the time to notice. That's how they're decoding the information. Absolutely. To kind of further that point is so much of texts, right? If we're just reading texts or you're on Twitter, right? There's all these fights and these debates and they get angry and hostile in these platforms because it's simply text and people read in to the tone and they put their own ideas on what they think the person meant instead of. the opportunity for a person to do a voice message where they can have a certain tone when they say something and they change the cadence of how they say it, how fast they say it, how loud if they're just direct and to the point. So many things go into play with that communication. And yeah, it's absolutely correct, those statistics. And speaking of social media, which is why they now use emojis. And I find that sometimes you say something and... If you don't put that smiling emoji at the end, but you're saying something a bit serious, you wanna sound harsh. And they're gonna think this person is so abrupt and harsh. And like you said, it's the way they see their own idea of it. You're so right. The emojis, it's almost like we're going back into, the paintings on the cave walls to communicate. That's a good one, sir. We've come full circle. You know, I did that recently because I did have something a little more direct to say to someone that's a peer, a fellow business owner, and I had to communicate something to them and I did put the smiley face because I was saying something more direct and so much of what we say is filtered through our own insecurities as well, right? You don't know what's going on in the mind of that other person and you can have the best of intentions when you write something, but how they receive it. is totally different. And so that's why, you know, just from a human behavior perspective, as we get to know people, as, as we better understand people, we want to, the golden rule is treat people how they want to be treated or treat people how you want to be treated. Exactly. But that platinum rule is treat people how they want to be treated. As we get to know somebody and we develop a relationship with them, it's our responsibility. And I talk about this in If I'm coming to you, Roberta, and I want to communicate information to you, then it's my responsibility to communicate it in a way that you will best receive it. Not that's easiest for me to say, not that's not the way that I like to, to say it, but how is Roberta, Roberta going to best understand and receive this information so that she can, you know, take action, she can make a decision, whatever the case is. Right. That's just expediency, right? If you want something to happen fast. then make that shift in your mind. Now, plenty of us go around the world and we just say things in the way that it makes sense to us. And we say, hey, get on board, right? Just do what I say. Just go with the program. And understand that, yeah, get with the program. For so long, leadership has even been like that, right? It's like my way or the highway. We live in a world with options today. And so many employers are saying, how do I retain talent? How do I keep the people I have? The key is talk to them like, they want to be spoken to, right? Speak to them how they want to be spoken to. Communicate with them in a way where they can best receive the information that you're trying to deliver. And you might say, I shouldn't have to do that. Well, should and couldn't, who cares about that? This is what will get you the results that you're looking for. And I think you and I are aligned on that with, at the end of the day, good communication is just very practical. That's the reason actually I started this podcast and one of the first few episodes, I was just doing a monologue, not interviewing anyone. Based on my experience, I started corporate in the 90s. And with engineering companies, you know that we put them in this box of you're a nerd, you're just going to sit there, have all your brilliant ideas on the computer and talk to no one. My boss was willing to step out of that, even though he hated it. He said, Roberta, I studied engineering, so I wouldn't talk to anyone. Now I talk to people. He stepped out of that. He learned how to communicate because the higher the less the tasks, the more the putting project teams together, communicating with clients so that they award us the million dollar project. I learned that it's not just graduating magna cum laude from university that's going to make you climb high. You're going to have to learn how to talk to people. And you're saying as a leader, motivate them to work towards a common goal because at the end of the day, you want the results. Yeah. And, you know, I like to say a lot of times when I'm working with my clients, I have a report, an assessment and a report. And in that report, it talks about the very specific way that individuals like to be spoken to. And what I'll do many times is I'll create what I call a communication cheat sheet. And it has a do and do not for each person on there. So by way of example, some communication dues for some people are, uh, I don't like the small talk. Just tell me what you, what you need from me. Other people would say communication do. would be help me understand the big picture so that I can move forward and take action. So those are some examples of views. Some do nots, maybe do not expect me to make a decision without all the facts. Or another do not, maybe do not be harsh, sharing an idea with me, right? This is a perfect world cheat sheet. Because we don't live in a perfect world, we have deadlines, we have projects, we have things that have to be done. We have things to do. And I'm just going to be very direct with you. And I'm not going to ask you about your day, but that's in the scenario when we're under pressure the rest of the time, right? Cause we're not under pressure 100% of the time. Exactly, exactly. So when those times, when we're not under a pressure deadline, that's when you make sure that you're doing those communication do's and do nots and you're asking them about their day and you're, you're answering all the questions that they have about a project so that you build that trust, you build that rapport. I like to call it like a piggy bank, right? You're making deposits. Yeah, exactly. You're depositing so that when it's busy, when you're under pressure, when you just need them to go and do something that you're asking them to do and they need to trust you, you can make a withdrawal from that account. The person will say, that's fine. That's okay because we've built the relational credibility along the way. So it's not an excuse, but yes, there are times and there are places where we can cater to the needs of team members. And then there are times where we need to have grace for each other and we need to recognize the situation and exercise just some maturity, right? In those situations. Once again, going back to the, it's my responsibility if I want to communicate something to you, this isn't just leadership, right? This is peers, this is coworkers. If I'm serving you in that way, and then Roberta, when you need to communicate something to me, you're serving me and communicating to me in the way that I like to be spoken to. It creates this synergy and this relational component where, man, this is a great place to work. I really enjoy working with my coworkers. And I've seen just job satisfaction scores go up exponentially through getting an entire staff to work this way, to really serve the person that they're trying to communicate with. And just fantastic results. It's a no brainer. And the thing is, as a leader, if you create that type of environment, that's when people, like you said, they're willing to go the extra mile. You ask them to do something. If it's a pressure situation, they're not even gonna question it. They'll be happy to do that. Is that the reason there's a difference between a manager and a leader? I would probably say yes, because a manager can make some plans, you know, put the plan out there, ask people to move forward with it. But the leader is going to have that ability to cast the vision and gain buy-in. You know, you talked about communication earlier and I believe that communication is the foundation of all soft skills. Whether you mentioned team building earlier, whether it's getting buy-in for a vision, just, well, once again gaining consensus among a team, you have to be able to communicate and to really answer that question, what's in it for me, right? That's what every person that is on your team is asking you every day. What's in it for me? Why should I do this? I understand what's in it for the company. The company makes more money if we do this. I understand what's in it for you. You get a promotion if we do this. What's in it for me? We need to answer that question. As leaders, we need to be able to answer that question. Whereas a manager may say, I told you to do it, now do it. And so you can manage tasks. You don't want to manage people. You want to lead people. You want to bring them along, not just give them a list of to-dos. So that's how I would see the difference. Yeah. Because there was always this old adage, our leaders managers, our managers leaders. Yeah. It seems like the responsibility is all on the leaders. Is there a way to cultivate self leadership within the employees themselves? So they take the initiative instead of saying, the leader must tell me what's in it for me before I can do everything I need to and go the extra mile. Yeah, I think so. And I think the foundation for that, the personal leadership, the personal growth, there has to be a why. behind that for the individual. I don't know if this is gonna be on video, but the picture behind me or on the wall, I have my life purpose. It's really my business purpose is my dream is to help you live yours. That's the starting point for me. And that's where I go with all of my clients, whether they're paying me individually or if the company's paying me to coach them. Yeah, I ask them and I tell my clients, I say, look, I'm gonna ask your people what their dream is. And their dream might be, to grow up in leadership in this organization or continue with this organization until they retire, or it may not. But I'll tell you the truth, if they have a dream and they're moving towards it, I think it was Earl Nightingale that said, you know, success is really just having a goal, having a dream and taking action towards it. If people, if your employees feel like they are successful because they're moving towards their dream, they're gonna be better employees. There's not going to be as much in fighting frustrations. I found in my coaching, you probably had the same thing, Roberta, that the people that are causing the most conflict and chaos in organizations, they're frustrated. It's internal. It's a challenge they have within them that they probably have a desire. They have something they want to do, but they think they can't do it or they don't have a plan to do it. So they're not taking action. And so instead they just pick apart the organization and say, this is not working out. You made a bad decision here. And so what I do with people is I help them define that dream. What is that dream? What is that goal? How are you taking action towards that? And it's, it runs the spectrum, right? Some people work to live and some people live to work. Some people can express their life purpose through their work. I feel like I'm one of those people. I can do this. This is what I was here to do. Right? So I can coach, lead, train, speak, and I'm doing my work to you. Exactly. But other people, and it's not right or wrong. Other people, they go to work. So, so that they can. pay their bills so that they can raise their kids, you know, coach the T-ball team, or they work so that they can volunteer at a nonprofit that really speaks to them, right? That's great. Once people define it, they're coming to work and they go, okay, I'm coming here for this purpose, and I'm gonna have a good attitude because I know that it is paying the bill so I can go out and do what I really wanna do. When people can make that connection, sometimes all it is a simple shift in perspective. but the flip side of the coin, the plus, the minus, or really, I mean, it's a plus plus, but the two sides of the coin as a leader. So going back to your original question, how can we create an environment where people are mature and they don't need you to help them understand what's in it for them? Well, you have to, have to, have to make it clear that you care about them as a person. And that's really what I talk about when we talk about the communication filters. When you... can communicate to your team members that you value them as a person, not just what they do for you while they're on, not just their productivity, but that you value them as a human being and you care about them. And one way you can do that is by helping them discover their dream, their purpose. And that may sound scary, like why would I do that as their boss? Why would I help them explore that? Because that builds trust. That builds trust with your people. And it's the old thing, you know, you can train people. Um, and they may leave or you cannot train them and they'll stay. Same thing is true. You can help them discover their purpose and they may leave or you cannot, and they'll stay and they'll be frustrated with you and you'll have to put up with the stuff that comes out of that frustration. So have that conversation with them. Say what, what is, what are your dreams? Not, not even necessarily in this place, in this business. I had a guy one time, just to give an example, I asked him this question in a team training and an accountant. But what he loves to do is he loves to climb mountains. wants to do Mount Everest one day and has done some huge mountains like that. That's what drives him. But you have to have money to do that, right? You have to be employed to do that. So now you have to value his accounting job, yes, in order to do that. Exactly. So that is a motivator. So if you can find out what that is, then throughout the process, as you're communicating with your team, you can say, hey, you know, we got this project coming up. I think you'd be great for this upcoming role. It might help you get closer to climbing Mount Everest. I'm just saying, right? Mount Everest, yeah. Imagine if we all learned that skill, don't you think our personal relationships would improve as well? If we communicated, the other person wants to be communicated too. Absolutely. It would tremendously increase the job satisfaction that people are looking for in their place of work. Thank you so much, Drew. Please share with us, first of all, the title of your book and your social media. Yes, definitely. So the title of my book, is the executive leaders handbook. If folks go to the executive leaders handbook.com, they can actually download my book for free. Yeah, you can get the PDF version and also the audio version of my book absolutely free. So I really created the book for my clients as a leave behind where they can have it. tools, tips and tricks that I've taught them. And they can have it in a simple handbook that they can refer back to. The definition of executive is someone who has senior managerial decision-making responsibilities in an organization. So if you're a business owner, this book's for you. If you have a budget that you have to make decisions for, this book's for you. If you want to be in that position one day, this book is for you. And how it's broken down is it's broken down into communication, tips. tricks and techniques than leadership, organizational leadership. How do I lead a meeting? Maybe my people, they're just not engaged in my meetings and it seems boring and I'm getting bad feedback. You can have productive meetings that people enjoy participating in. I talk about that in the book. And then finally mindset, because so much of what we do, and we talked about this earlier when we're communicating. There's a lot of stuff going on in between our ears that can mess up our success and our ability to lead. And so I talk about that in the book. And, and anyways, how you use it is when you have a problem, you just look in the table of contents and say, Oh, how do I lead a meeting? Go to that chapter, put it into practice. Exactly. So it's really a handbook. that you can use. I'm actually going to download it. Yeah. Do it. Yeah. If people want the physical copy, they can get hard copy paperback or the Kindle version at Amazon. Yeah. The executive leader's handbook. So is that where they can contact you as well on the website? Yeah. So if you want to contact me, probably the best way is just go to LinkedIn. And it's Drew T. Yeah, T isn't Thomas, Drew T Jackson. Yeah. And you can find me there on LinkedIn, connect with me, send me a message. And I'd love to make a connection. We will certainly be in touch and thank you for giving us the book for free, Drew. You are very welcome, Roberta. Thanks for having me on. It's been wonderful having you here. I really enjoyed our conversation and especially I learned so much with the communication filters. I'm going to start being more cognizant of that. Wonderful. Thank you so much. Thank you.