Speaking and Communicating Podcast

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: The audience's eyes tell me when they getting the concept. I can look around the room and see some people light up like this, or they do this scowl and frown when they don't really understand what I'm saying. When I catch more than four or five people with that scowl or frown on their face, I step back and I say, let me say this a different way. I see it, but I don't point them out.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Welcome back to the speaking and communicating podcast. I am your host, Roberta Ndlela. If you are looking to improve your communication skills, both professionally and personally, this is the podcast you should be tuning into. Communication and soft skills are crucial for your career growth and leadership development. Now, in this exciting month of May, we have an amazing lineup of guests for you. On Mondays, our special guests will be helping us with our inner communication. On Wednesdays, we have public speaking experts helping us with becoming better public speakers. And on Fridays, our guests will be showing us how to reach global audiences. So stay tuned. Share these episodes with those who will benefit from them and log on to Apple and Spotify and leave us a rating and a review. Now let's get communicating.

Barbara Holmes Smith is the ultimate communications coach and trainer

>> Roberta Ndlela: Now, let's get communicating with the ultimate communications coach. Barbara Holmes Smith is an international celebrity speaker, uh, coach and trainer. She's here to talk to us about everything, communication, how to conquer fear of speaking, all of that. And before I go any further, please help me welcome her to the show. Barbara, good to see you.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Great to see you. You are so beautiful, and I was so happy to meet you.

>> Robert Sandleila: Thank you, Dito, as well. I'm glad that you're here and we are finally having this conversation. And I know our listeners are going to have a blast listening to us. But before we get into it, please introduce yourself.

With 20 years of experience speaking, what do you do

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Yes. You know how when you want to introduce yourself, people ask you, what do you do? And even if you're killing it in your business or in your life, you're not quite sure, you leave them with exactly what you do. Well, that's all about how you communicate, relay, and relate information to your listener. And that's what I do. I help you excavate the superhero inside of you so that you can tell people what you do, what you have, what you bring to the table, and why it's anyone would care. With my 20 years of experience speaking around the world, I help people communicate better. What they have, what they do, and what they bring to any situation so that they walk in confidently. They save time, they save money by knowing exactly what to say. When asked a question, what do you do.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Very important, because a lot of people are still dears and headlights when it comes to that question. So 20 years of doing this, what got you started? And did you straight from college go into speaking, or was, uh, that a winding road?

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: One wonderful question that you asked. It is amazing that my road was not paved in a straight line. Many people grow up knowing exactly who they are and what they want to be when they grow up. I'm still trying to figure it out. But in any event, how I got started was I've been an instructor teacher since I was eight. Now you ask, how is that possible? Well, being the eldest of five children, I innately took on the role of teacher. But at the same time, I discovered that I loved showing my younger siblings how to get things done and what order to do them. I did not really understand that that was my gift until way later in life. And it was when I was an engineer. I have a background in computer science. I called myself a geek with a personality back then.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Love it.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Uh, but when I was in the role of engineer, part of my responsibility was to help the novice folk, the people who didn't understand computers as well as I did, to understand these complex terms. And so I found myself teaching without being a teacher. In that space, I was an engineer, not a teacher, but I became, quickly became the liaison between the people who could speak in computer ease and the people who spoke English. And so one day, one of the participants, one of the peers asked me, did you ever think of teaching in the collegiate level? And I thought, I thought, you have to have a PhD to do that. He says, no, you have your masters, right? I said, yes. He says, my daughter is the talent scout, the talent acquisition person for Everett University. I'm going to tell her to hire you. And I thought, he's going to tell his daughter to hire me. That's going to work real well. I got a call the next day from his daughter, and she said, my dad tells me I should hire you, and so I need you to send your resume. I thought, who does this? Fast forward. I started teaching at Avert University for six months, and then his daughter passed away.

>> Roberta Ndlelaa: Wow.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Oh, my gosh. So now I'm thinking, that was an angel sent to guide me along my journey to teaching. So then I taught there. Loved it. Loved those students getting those aha. Moments, deer in headlights turning into, oh, I got it. And then I went on to a different university and a different university and a different university. And I thought to myself, um, I'm speaking all the time. I love it. Why not try my hand at being a public speaker? Because I love the stage. I thought when I was a young person in college that I would be a theater star, a movie star. I was always supposed to be on stage, but God has a sense of humor. He gave me the stage, but not with all the lights and all that kind of stuff. That's how I got started. And now I have been speaking in Kenya three times in the past four years, and I've been speaking in Liberia, Nigeria, probably about six or seven african countries now.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Motherland. Yes.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Speaking all over the United States. And so, yeah.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Mhm.

Roberta Schwartz says there are techniques to help people overcome stage fright

It's funny that you talk about how speaking, you've always left the stage. Here's the thing that we've noticed, and somebody once challenged me on this because I've never had a fear of the stage. And they said, Roberta, how would you coach someone who has a fear of public speaking, which is the number one fear? How would you coach them? Because you've never had that fear. And it sounds like, Barbara, you're in the same shoes as well. You love the stage.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Yes.

>> Roberta Ndlela: So if they come to you and say, help me speak, how do you help them without it? Because usually we think you must have had the trauma first before getting to the other side to coach other people.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: I think that's a great question. How do I teach people? Mostly we start with the mind. This is an incredible tool. We have our mind. And if I start my clients with their mind, I don't really like mindset, because your mind can morph into what you want it to be. And we do exercises first breathing, because it relaxes us. And even I use that technique when I get on stage because it's not that I don't get nervous, as, uh, a matter of fact, I get very nervous when I stand before people. But I've learned the techniques to channel that nervousness into adrenaline that pushes me forward. You know, there are techniques, some questions I ask, what is the worst thing that could happen on that stage? What is the worst thing that could happen? If you're standing in front of people, they're not going to walk up and slap you. They're not going to throw things at you. So that fear is intangible. You can't touch it.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Um, you can't see it.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: You can only feel it, and it's an inside job. So you're self imposing the self talk. So we talk about techniques to combat self talk, like give it a Persona. Mine is dizzy. Delilah, when she starts talking to me, I say, uh, excuse me, dizzy. We're not, we're not doing that. That's not what we're doing. Is that what we're doing? That's not what we're doing. Of techniques that I use with people to get them started and feeling more comfortable in speaking. The other thing we do is we write down what it is that you're scared of. You know, looking at it in its face. What is it that you're scared of? Are you afraid that people may judge you? That's a big one. Are you afraid that you might forget? That's another big one. What you're supposed to say. But one of the techniques for not forgetting what you're going to say is to write out a story. A story that you resonate with. A story that happened in your life. Something that you know without thinking about it.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Mhm.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: And how we construct that story in the beginning, in the middle, and in the end also gives people more relaxation strategies. Because when you know the story, you don't have to think about what the story is. And since it's your story, we have what we call a story formula. Story. The letters s t o r y all stand for something. S you set the stage. T you take them on a ride. O you overcome an obstacle. R you rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. And why? It doesn't matter how you tell the story, you, even if you leave things out, the why is it's your story. So tell it any way you want. So there are lots of techniques and strategies that I've learned over the years that I help my clients with when they have stage fright.

>> Roberta Ndlela: I love that last part. Even if you leave things behind, because that's one of the biggest fears. So you mentioned being judged, but the other fear is, what if I forget something? Usually I say, you know, your speech and your story, so nobody's gonna know.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Nobody knows. Nobody knows.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Um, and you can always come back to it. They don't know how it's structured, if you remember it later.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Correct?

>> Roberta Ndlela: Mhm.

I'm amazed at the pace at which you speak

Now here's something I've noticed before we even go further, and this is, for me personally, the pace at which you speak. I'm, um, absolutely in awe at the way that you pace yourself. And I'm still working progress in that where you always this, the wavelength at which you just go with and flow with your words, or is this something that you worked on over the years?

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: This is a wonderful question as well. Just like any craft that you have, you have to take the time to study your craft. And so from years of study I used to speak really, really fast. But before I spoke really, really fast. You'll never believe that I used to stutter. I had a tremendous trauma in my life and I stuttered at the age of twelve. Right. And so when people hear me now, they don't believe it. Well, I still do, but you'll never catch me because I learned through speaking classes and speech therapy how to control my stutter. And the stuttering comes from my brain going faster than my mouth. And the way you do that, it's a very, very easy technique. Simple technique. Not always easy to do is to just, one, slow down and two, pause. But pausing for some people is very uncomfortable. But I have to pause when I find myself getting ready to stutter. I almost did a few m moments ago, and I don't know if you caught it or not, but I was getting ready to stutter and I just slowed down and it causes my mind to catch up with my mouth, or my mouth to catch up with my mind, and then I can go on. When you talk about the cadence with which I speak, the ear has to hear, then translate through submitting it through the brain in order for your audience to hear you. And so knowing that in the back of my mind, when I'm going through a long dissertation or a complex conversation, I have to remember, and I do, that people have to catch up. It takes a nanosecond, but it's still a second of timing that you have to know when to pause, when to breathe, so that you can be heard clearly, and how to articulate those words so that they are not only heard, but they're understood. So it is a work in progress. It is over time. And you'll get to it when you get to it, because there are some people that speak so fast you can't even understand what they're saying. Yeah, but they're not conscious and cognizant of the listener. The information may be totally secondhand for you, the speaker, but it's not secondhand for the listener. And that's who you always have to be concerned and conscious of, the listener, the audience who's listening to me. And will they understand what I'm saying when I'm done saying it?

>> Roberta Ndlela: And then the most powerful thing about your story, from stuttering to actually being a speaker. Because you would think, okay, if I grew up stuttering, maybe I should find a job where I'm in a cubicle quietly doing my work all by myself.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Not so. Not so at all, because we all. We all have a story. And the stuttering story, the backstory to the stuttering story is one of the stories I use, depending on the audience. That's another thing. Depending on the audience. I have a wealth of stories that I cultivate and captivate audiences with. People love stories, and many people who are speakers do not get that. When you start a store, when you start your talk, the worst thing you could do as a speaker is to get up and say, hey, how's everybody doing? How's, uh, the weather outside? You have just lost your audience. Done. Finished, done. And you know that, especially if you're in a physical space with them, if they start picking up their phones or their heads drop, that almost never happens when I take the platform, because I have learned to master storytelling. Everybody loves stories because it takes us back to a time when we heard stories from our parents, from our siblings, from our teachers. It takes us back to a time where we can relate to once upon a time. Even if it's not structured as once upon a time, our brain thinks about it in that way.

>> Roberta Ndlela: And would you say in your experience, that because if you give a keynote, it's about 45 minutes an hour, would you say sometimes your audience will remember the story and probably not everything else you spoke about in the 45 minutes?

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Uh, that's correct. Because in a story, you make an audience feel something. It's an emotional journey, and people will forget what you say, but they will never forget how you make them feel. When you include them in your story, when you ask them to say something, when you ask them to point to themselves, when you ask them to stand up, when you ask them to say something to their next door neighbor, who, some of them wouldn't even speak to them unless you told them, hey, look to the person to your left and right and say this. Yeah, ask them that. That's breaking that barrier between you and your audience. My coach says you are the conductor. He who has the mic wins. You can tell them to do whatever you want them to do, and you ease them into it. You give them, how many in the room have ever heard a story? Raise your hand. You've just given them a command. And because they want to be part of the people who have heard a story, they're going to raise their hand. Now you've gotten a breakthrough with your audience. Now you've given them one technique. You've used one technique to get them involved. Then the next thing you want to do is keep doing that kind of thing in a different way, get them involved. So turn to your neighbor on your left or your right and tell them you look good. They say it. They've now engaged a second time. Then turn to the opposite neighbor, the one you didn't turn to, and tell them, and I do, too. Now you've given them affirmation about themselves, and now they're really in. So I've just given you some techniques in being on a platform that I use consistently that gets me audience attention, gravitation, and consistently participation.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Audience engagement, which is a hot topic in the speaking arena constantly. It's funny that you say they also affirm, uh, themselves, because have you noticed when they do that? Because usually we don't say, I do too in real life, so it's funny. And then they start laughing.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Exactly.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Because it's hilarious to actually say that, and then you're actually saying it to the stranger sitting next to you. And then by the time they laugh, they're feeling so good, they're going to listen to everything that you say after that.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Right.

>> Roberta Ndlela: And then just a quick story about, turn to your neighbor and say this. There was this joke, I think it was trending on TikTok or something, where they said, you know, pastors do the same thing in churches. They'll say, turn to your neighbor and say, it's not over. You know, when you go through something and he's preaching about, you know, it's not over. They say when you're sitting next to your ex in church, the tear difference is not over.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Not gonna work real well.

>> Roberta Ndlela: That's not gonna work sometimes, so watch out for those circumstances. Maria, I thought that was funny.

The pause helps your audience get up to speed on complex concepts

Back to the pause. The pause not only has helped you, as I said, I really admire your pace, but you help your audience also get up to speed.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Yes, absolutely. Because you have to give them time to hear and comprehend. It's not just a matter of hearing and listening, but they've got to comprehend. I learned that from when I was an engineer, because I was teaching complex concepts, and so I had to stop many times because I also read eyes. When I'm doing an on platform or one to one, I read eyes. Eyes don't lie. The audience's eyes tell me when they getting the concept or when it's just over their heads and so I can look around the room and see. Some people light up like this when they're getting the concept or the story is really good, or they do this scowl and frown when they don't really understand what I'm saying. And when I catch more than four or five people with that scowl or frown on their face, I step back and I say, let me say this a different way. I see it, but I don't point them out.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Yeah, you don't want to put them on the spot.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Right. Uh, let me go a different way. Let me come at this a different way. And nine out of ten times, because I'm able to think on the fly, practice, practice, practice. I'll come a different way with the same concept, and then I'll look at those same people who looked like they were confused. They now got it. And now I can move on to the next. It also solidifies that concept for those who maybe thought they had it.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Mhm.

How do you translate complex conversation to people who are not technical

When you say they speak technicales and the rest of us speak English, we always ask the old age question of, uh, how do you translate to a non tech audience so that, like you said, so that they don't look confused. Because if they're confused, they're not going to buy your technical product.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: They're not doing anything. Confused people do nothing. Yes, facts, they're not going to do anything. So how do you translate a complex conversation to people who are not technical? What you have to do is what I call audience reconnaissance. So what that means is I come to events, especially in person events. I come to events early. Come to events early, like an hour or 2 hours early. And I get to walk around and meet the people, and I ask them questions about my content. They don't know that, but I'm asking them questions about my content and asking them, do they understand? Is that making sense to you? Not do you understand? But the question literally is, quote unquote, is that making sense to you? And if they say, yes, these are laypeople I'm, um, teaching complex concepts to. They say yes. I go, okay, I can explain that. This way. I go to the next person. Hi, how are you? I'm so happy to be here today. I was wondering, before the crowd comes in, can I ask you a question? And I asked them another one of the questions or statements or concepts that I'm going to teach on the platform. It's very strategic what I do. And when I ask, sure, sure, they know that I'm the speaker, the banner is up, the bulletin is out, whatever, and they're just happy to talk to you. And so I asked another question. If I said this this way, does that make sense to you? Um, okay, so that didn't quite work. So now I go back in my brain and go, okay, so I need to explain this in a different manner. And I'm, um, all the time getting the nerves out as I'm walking around talking to people. Because guess what happens when you talk to five or ten people before the event starts. You've now got a cheering section, essentially. They feel like they know you now because you took the time to talk to them. I used to be, and I know you know the story in the bible of Mary and Martha. Martha was always busy doing.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Yeah, she was the busy bee. Making sure that, right, kind of judged the other one who wasn't so diligent.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: That was me. In speaking circles, I was always making sure that the video was going to be okay, and making sure I was going to stand in the right place, and making sure the lighting was well, making sure that the, uh, laptop was functioning, making sure that the audio team was doing what they were supposed to be doing in the video. I was always doing that until I realized that's not where the power is. The power is in connection with the people before for the event. And now I use that technique. I let somebody else worry about all the technical ease, and I go around and speak to the people one on one. Hey, how you doing today? So excited to be here. What's your name? What's your role? Do you have a business? Any number of questions? What do you do for a living? Right. And I move on to the next, and I move on to the next, and I get some in a group. And now when they sit down, they feel like, oh, I got a chance to talk to the speaker. Because most speakers are untouchable at events. They come in, they do what they do, and they leave. But when I'm at a speaking event, I schedule time to stay for the entire thing, you know, unless my schedule does not permit. But my consistent methodology is it's the event for the day, and that's what I'm going to do. And that's how I get clients clinging to know, clamoring to know, how do I get in touch with you? Because I'm personable. I'm that one. That though my title is celebrity speaker, I still make time to talk and be human with people.

>> Roberta Ndlela: That's your unique value proposition. Because everybody, like you said, some speakers are untouchable. That's their brand, so to speak.

Doctor Reuben West's speaking coach is phenomenal

We always ask, what makes you stand out? Because there's millions of speakers around the world. How did you come to the realization that worrying about the tech and everything is not so much where you should invest your time before the event, but rather connect? What clicked for you or was it something your coach suggested?

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Well, I actually watched my coach and my coach is phenomenal. Doctor Reuben West's speaking coach is phenomenal. He has a program called Black Belt speakers that I went through. I don't know if he's doing that program right now, but I have been with him to Africa four times.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Mhm.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: And I watch him because it does no good to have a coach and you're not paying attention. They can teach you verbally, they can teach you strategies. But when I feel like I learned the most from Doctor west is when I watch him. And every event, every event, he stops to speak to the children, to the elderly. He stops at every table. He takes photos and selfies with everybody that wants to take pictures with him. And I said, that's the key right there. That's how I learned it. I watched my coach, he never said, you should do this, right? But I watched him. And his fame is people love him wherever he goes because he's personable and he's not untouchable. That's where I learned.

>> Roberta Ndlela: People are looking for connection. Indeed.

Barbara Holmes Smith offers advice on how to get started in public speaking

One last question. A lot of people when we talk about public speaking, they usually ask, how do get started? Do we know the one answer to that question? Or are, uh, there various ways to get started on a public speaking journey?

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: There are various ways. The fastest way is to volunteer at your local rotary civic organization, your church. Let people see you have to be seen, known that that's what you do. And then take on extra roles in your workspace. Or go to the chamber of commerce and ask to do. They have lunch and learns all the time. Ask them if you can speak at one of those events. There is more than enough speaking opportunities. You just have to interject yourself. You have to have the confidence, first of all, to ask. We have not because we don't ask. And so if you're a part of a, uh, civic league, a church group, children's school, there are teachers there, parents there, and PTA, parent teacher association is what we call it. Anything. Where there are people being taught something, go to your child's school and ask if you could be a presenter for whatever it is, is your specialty. Look online. We have the greatest tools today. How do I find speaker engagements? I look up, uh, call for speakers. There are any number of call for speakers. Call for speaker proposals. If you're working in an environment that has professional development, ask if you could present something, if it's appropriate, if it's something that you could work on, if it's something that you do local colleges and career fairs, those kinds of things. There's any number of places where you could interject yourself to learn how to get on the platform. Just jump in.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Just jump in. Indeed. Words of wisdom for Barbara Holmes Smith, the international celebrity keynote speaker, trainer and coach. I knew this was going to be a pleasure. And as always, you outdid yourself. Thank you, Suma.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Thank you so much.

>> Roberta Ndlela: My absolute pleasure.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: So you want to get in touch with me, just go to my website. My name is Barbara H. Smith. That's my website, barbara hsmith.com, barbarahsmith.com to.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Get in touch with the superstar. Thank you, Barbara, for that wonderful message for our listeners as well.

>> Barbara Holmes Smith: Thank you so much, Roberta, for having me. It's been my, indeed, pleasure and honor.

>> Roberta Ndlela: Absolutely. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you for joining us on the.

Speaking on communicating podcast features advice on how to improve your communication skills

>> Roberta Ndlela: Speaking on communicating podcast. Once again, please log on to Apple and Spotify. Leave us a rating and a review and what you'd like for us to discuss on the show that will be of benefit to you. We encourage you to continue to get communicating and let us know how communication skills continue to improve your life professionally and privately, personally. And stay tuned for more episodes to come.