Speaking and Communicating Podcast

Welcome back to the Speaking and Communicating podcast. I am your host Roberta. If you are looking to improve your communication skills, both professionally and personally, this is the podcast you should be tuning into. By the end of this episode, please remember to subscribe, give a rating and a review. My guest today is here to teach us how to achieve success by fire because he spent 28 years of his life, being a firefighter in the DC metro area, saving lives, and being the hero that we all aspire to be. And before I go any further, please help me welcome to the show, Mr. Roderick Mitchell. Hello. Hello, Roberta and audience. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you for being on our show today. Thank you for having me. Most welcome. So you spent 28 years fighting fires and saving lives in DC? Absolutely Roberta. 28 years with the District of Columbia Firefighter. It was an honor. I am a Washingtonian. I was not born in DC. I'm technical in my thinking so I like to always say I was actually born in New Haven, Connecticut and I think my family stayed there maybe... two years of my young life. So 99% of what I remember and my experiences are all in Washington, D.C. Where I grew up in pretty much every section of the city. You know, we have the four quadrants, southeast, southwest, northwest, and northeast. I grew up in all of those except for southwest. I'm now married with five girls. We're a beautiful blended family. That's absolutely beautiful. First of all, thank you for your service. You're welcome. Growing up, as you said, in those different parts of DC, is there anything from your childhood that has shaped you into the man you have become today? Being able to navigate the environment, it wasn't necessarily a tough environment. I had most everything I ever wanted. I never went hungry, two-parent household. But you know, there was still me having to navigate without my parents or my big brother around. And you know, how that played into how I saw myself and how not so confident I felt in getting around and doing for myself as I matured into my independence. The work ethic that my father instilled in me and the sensitivity of emotion. that my mother and other women instilled in me that I experienced helped to shape the man that I am today. Yeah. So your dad taught you work ethic, which I'm sure is what influenced most of your career as a firefighter. No doubt. Be on time, do your part, help others when they're in need. So yeah, that definitely influenced me a lot. Which is what we call on this podcast, soft skills. And we really emphasize on those. Right. Those things that you want to come into the workforce with, and then you will learn the skills, the specific skills needed to perform better once you get there. But yeah, those are definitely skills that you want to come into adulthood and to the workforce with. Yeah. You said your mom taught you emotional sensitivity. Would you elaborate on that? You know, women and men operate differently. We see things differently. We communicate differently oftentimes. So spending as much time as I did with my mother, and I spent a lot with my father, but I made sure to spend a lot of time with my mother as well, because I think I was just attracted to the softer energy and her way of seeing things. And so that helped me to recognize emotions in her, others, and myself. Yeah. So it sounds like a balance between your mom and your dad. They poured into your different skill sets to shape you as a whole. Absolutely, absolutely. You said a balance, but a balance that was often unbalanced, but yes. Yes, took both those things to eventually come in to create a balance that I continue to work on. Yeah. It's almost like we don't actively create space for men to express their feelings and to be emotionally sensitive. We always categorize it as a woman thing. Yeah, and I think humankind is finally recognizing that we are more than just a logical thinking man or a emotionally driven woman. There are women who think logically, there are men who have emotions and feel them and express them. We're more than just this one way, so yeah. that needs to be highlighted. And I like to talk to young men about that part, that side of them, that side of me. Okay, so you did mention that you're a motivational speaker. Did you start doing that when you were still firefighting or after you retired? After I retired is when I made it a real business. I joined Toastmasters, maybe 99. Again, Roberta, I can't tell you exactly what drove me to Toastmasters, always like to talk. And I'm pretty much an open book, so I don't mind sharing that. During one of my therapy sessions with a firefighting counselor, we had a few sessions and he asked me, why did you want to be a motivational speaker? What drove you to it? And I could never really pinpoint it. And he shared with me, as he put it, I'll just pick from the low hanging fruit, he said. And what I see is You simply had something to say. You needed to express yourself. You grew up in an environment where you didn't get that opportunity. You wanted to be heard. And I had to totally agree after I looked back on my story, as I looked back on little Rajee, the little big-eared, big-head guy who felt depressed as a youngster. So all of that led to me just talking. I wanted to be heard. That's when I began to develop those skills, got a lot of great feedback on how to properly communicate, not only talk, but listen as well. And how that just showed me with some practice, with some learned skills, I could be a very proficient speaker who had something to say and who could motivate, inspire and educate others. I'm really glad you say that, because one, everybody wants to be heard and seen. I think a lot of the time, notice some behaviors that we think are off with some people, anything. Why would they do that? Usually the underlying reason is I just want to be noticed. I feel unseen. I feel unheard. And then secondly, what you said about Toastmasters, every single person can learn the skill on how to communicate, on how to speak in front of a crowd. It's something you can learn. I don't know if you've noticed how one person would be so nervous on their first speech, what you call the icebreaker. All right. And then a few months later when they speak, you're like, I don't even recognize who that is. They're completely transformed. Every skill can be learned, especially communication skills. Absolutely, Roberta. Absolutely. And you know, sometimes I still get nervous. But because of the amount of practice, because the amount of experiences I've already had, I'm able to kind of settle that nervousness and just go through what I now kind of automatically know how to do. Yeah. So you wrote a book, Success by Fire. Yes, yes. Fire, Fury, Faith. Can you tell us a little about the book? Because I'm wondering, is it influenced by your career as a firefighter or is it more than that? It's more than that. My book was written so that I could spread the word and help others. who have had similar situations in their personal lives as I did relate. And the firefighting part came in because it's a great tool that helped me to show others how they can use the principles that I speak of in the book, RISIO, rescue, expose, confine, extinguish, overhaul to help change their lives, to move from maybe a blase, any kind of living. to a fantastic, happy, joyous Z living. Go from A to Z. But in this case, R to O, rescue, expose, confine, extinguish, overhaul. The book starts with talking about my life and where I grew up and how, as we earlier mentioned, I came to be the person that I am and how I got that call one day while working for the American Association of Retired Persons, which I'm now a member of. Right, to retire. I got that call around the age of 28 years old from my older sister. She said, hey, little bro, I heard on the radio that the fire department is hiring. At this point, Roberta, I had attained my GED because I dropped out of high school. I struggled through school from the very beginning. We touched a little bit about the chaos in my family, or I did. And so there was a lot of chaos, a lot of trauma. Yes, I had both parents in the household. and I loved them both and they did the best they could do. But there were a lot of challenges, personal challenges my father was going through and he sometimes rained hell on the household, unfortunately. It was physical, mental and emotional abuse. So there's this little kid who's leaving home, sometimes after the morning of an event like that, and I'm in school and I can't focus, I just didn't focus very well. I was held back in the first grade. Not because I was incapable, not because I was unintelligent, but because I wasn't there, I wasn't present, I wasn't doing the work necessary. But I went on and there was time to transition into what we then called junior high school, the seventh grade. That's when all the personal challenges had developed into more. I started smoking cigarettes, I started drinking beers and hanging out, smoking marijuana, quite honestly. I wasn't fit to be the student that could concentrate, do the work, the discipline wasn't there. I stayed out of school more than in school. But again, at this point, the seed was planted for me. I'm ready to just give up. I don't want any more to do with school. My family moved from D.C. We went to Langley Park, Maryland, where I then entered a different junior high school. And before it was all over, Roberta, I attended seven schools before I ended up at my high school. But I graduated in the ninth grade. At that point, you graduate in the ninth grade into high school at Dunbar Senior High School in D.C. And... On the third floor, I was in an English class one day, and it was like in December, it was cold outside. And the English teacher, she looked outside, she looked down in front of the building where she saw two students cutting class, playing hooky. She looked back at us and said, "'Oh, I know when the weather turns, there'll be more of you out there.'" And my already troubled mind, my heavy heart, I silently said to her, "'I'll show you.'" And that day I dropped out of high school. But, well, brother, I knew there was more in me. I just didn't know how to tap into it. But that father of mine, he would not let me come home and be a bum, neither him nor my mom. Who knows who your dad is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna work, I was gonna do something. I was not gonna live in his house and do absolutely nothing, especially not go to school. So, you know, he helped me find jobs. So I worked, I worked the entire time. But around the age, I guess it was almost 10 years later, I decided that I needed to at least get my GED. which I did. Thankfully I had that because that was the basic certificate needed to be able to take the exam for the DC Fire Department. And I took the exam and out of over 1800 applicants for burning this little high school dropout, this little depressed guy with a heavy heart came out number 15 and over. Wow. Out of 1800? Out of over 8. applicants and I started my career with the fire department in December of 1990. That is amazing. So you always knew you had it in you. I always knew I had it in me, Roberta. It was just a matter of an interest, a purpose, and a strong enough why. Yes. So my motivational speaking, again, it started well before the fire department, but during my career as a firefighter. We had an emergency ground tactic that we used when called to a fire ground emergency, and that's RICO, rescue. When we hit that fire ground, we want to make sure that we're in position to rescue any potential victims. Exposed. We want to protect the exposures of this fire. You have A building A on fire, you have B and C beside it, you want to protect B and C from this raging fire. And C, confine it. You want to confine the... fire to that particular structure and not allow it to get out of hand. To spread. Exactly. You don't want it to spread. And E, extinguish. Make sure we totally extinguish the fire and O, overhaul. I was thinking this same set of principles can be applied to the lives and businesses of individuals and groups. We spoke about how a lot of my program is built on the callibility. You have to be a part of your rescue. If it's personal issues you're having, if it's business issues you're having, teen issues you're having, be a part of the rescue. Talk about the exposure, expose those things that aren't going so well. Confine those things and don't allow them to continue to hold you back. Use available resources to extinguish the bad habits, the thoughts and overhaul your life. Absolutely amazing. RISIO. Rescue. Expose. confine, extinguish, and overhaul. Let's use it in a personal circumstance. Would you like to share with us how you have used the RISEO principles? Absolutely, absolutely. My biggest challenge, my biggest challenge in my young life's probably dating to that elementary school age 11 up through the time I stopped. drinking, which was 35 years old, nearly 36 years old, alcohol was a crutch for me. I wanted to drink the pain away, regardless. It started off as just having fun with my buddies. Wasn't cool. No, drinking underage, definitely not a good thing, but that's my story. And then I go into young adulthood. I have a driver's license at 16. It's time to get out and party. It's time to... kiss a couple of cheeks if I can. And alcohol helped relax me. It helped me to relax and be able to do those things a lot easier. Alcohol began to play a big part in my life and it was moving from fun to unhealthy. Quite clearly being an escape goat from what I was trying to deal with in my personal life. That little first grader who would get up and go into the bathroom at the orders of my mother. It's time to get up, time to go to school. She yelled from the other room. I'd go sit on the toilet, run the bath water, sit on the toilet, gauge enough time that I thought she thought I had taken a bath. But I learned later on, Roberta, as I hardly ever got in the water and used the soap and water, that those were possibly early signs of depression. Personal hygiene, caring for self was something that I... did not do early on. Love it. Because that is part of self-love, yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. And so that little kid came with me all the way through, you know, high school at the point where I gave up and dropped out. All the way through to, you know, the period where I was a young teenage father, 19 years old. Thankfully, I'd begun to take baths and brush my teeth, but that feeling, that lack of self-love, that lack of esteem. What made you feel like you were not deserving of the best version of yourself? Not being heard, not having small accomplishments, lots of unfinished tasks. Again, all based on the chaos that I experienced in my house, outside of my house. I remember very clearly saying to myself as a young, maybe eight, nine year old, can we all just get along? Because I'm dealing with trauma in my house and then I'd look at television I'd see wars, talk of wars, neglect and abuse in my own community and outside of my community. I saw others who seemed to be doing better, who seemed to be better as a human being and I compared myself to them and I wasn't as good. I didn't look as good. I didn't behave as well. I didn't have what they have. And all of this went with me and to me believing that I just wasn't good enough. And I had no way of expressing that. And that's where that need to express, that need to talk came in. I wonder how many people listening have had moments when they feel not only unheard, but like you said, inadequate, I'm not good enough, I don't measure up. Everything on the internet being posted nowadays. And a lot of people post the best versions of their lives and not the messy parts. And you think, I don't measure, I could never be this good. I think that's so dangerous, Roberta. I really do. We see the end product. One of the more famous examples, Michael Jordan. You see him making the beautiful layups, the beautiful shots, flowing through the air, winning the games. But we don't see the hard work that was put in. We don't know, at least I don't know, the story before. He went to high school. I don't know what drove him to work so hard. I don't know what inadequacies he may have felt. Which I'm sure he did. I mean, he does admit to miss what? More than 3,000 shots in his lifetime? Yeah. But we don't talk about that. We talk about him flying in the air at school. The end product, like you say, yeah. Back to the ratio principle, how did you start to piece your life together? First Principal Rescue applied and was used by me when I had to throw up my hands and say, quite frankly, I have an issue with alcohol. I'm an alcoholic and I need help. I wanna change my life. I don't wanna live like this anymore. There was a period in front of my house where I felt like I wanted to die instead of live. And I didn't wanna live like that anymore. So I went and sought help, but I had to be a part of it. I always wanted somebody else to Fix me, do the work for me. You do your part and just make me better. Poof, I'm better. It does not work like that. I have to do the work. I have to do a lot of introspection. I have to reflect. I have to do some writing. I have to continue to talk it out in a controlled, proper environment. Personally, for me, I said, as a recovering alcoholic, I had to first just not drink. is first not drink. And one of the simplest things I was told, and this is for anybody who's having a problem with alcohol, simple Roberta, but I didn't think like that. The alcoholic mind didn't think like this. I was told I do not have to drink even if I wanted to because an alcoholic always thinks they have to drink. I have to get this drink today. They don't have to. So I had to make a decision that I'm not gonna drink today one day at a time. And then, you know, begin to work on myself, begin to do what's necessary. Talk about those exposures, expose those things that are going on around me. You know, years ago, I wasn't able to get on a podcast, get on camera and talk about that little boy. I was ashamed of that little boy. They say your inner child, make peace with him and talk to him and more lovingly. I'm so convinced of it. I know for a fact, you heal the child, you heal the person. Yeah, no doubt. And whatever bad behaviors I had coming into my period of sobriety, I had to confine it and not do it anymore, not bringing it to my future. Bad habits I had in the past, it was time to cut those out, it was time to work on them. Recognize them, work on them, not bring them into the future. Use all available resources, other people, groups, personal therapy to extinguish thinking, the habits, help heal the emotions, and get a plan to overhaul my life. And that's what I did. That's how the RISEO Prespa has been used in my life. And how have things changed since then, after the overhaul? After the overhaul, well, Roberta, I'll tell you what, I wake up, I haven't had a hangover in more than 26 years now, I'll tell you that. That's a good feeling. Yes, it is. Me, no, my house smells like beer anymore or any other alcohol. I have a daughter. who does not know that part of me. My other four daughters, although they, after talking to them, had no clue that my issue was that bad, they did see me drinking. You know, I was around them drinking. But I have a daughter who hasn't seen that. I have a wife who says she was not going to deal with me in that state. And we've known each other for nearly 45 years of my life. We've only been together for 20 years now, married 18. So those are the major, major turns in my life. I was drinking two, three years into my firefighting career and that was going downhill. You know, as glorious and as honorable as the position is, do know that those are human beings out there. Firefighters have issues as well. You know, we celebrate through drinking. We drink to our sorrow, you know, but then we get up and do it again. But how well do we do it? Especially all that you witnessed, the horrors that people go through when you try to rescue them. How do you deal with that psychologically? Thankfully, the training that I received in the DC Fire Department was superior to all others. It was fantastic, phenomenal training. You know, I was thrown right into the fire. Literally, yeah. I went into a slower firehouse in the District of Columbia my first year, but after that, I was moved to a very busy firehouse where one of my first runs, I responded to a gunshot wound. And honestly, in today's firefighting industry, they have more medical trauma runs than they do fires. Still play the fires. A lot more medical responses than fires. And I had to respond to a young man who had been shot in the neck. I had to check for a pulse. Right. That was scary for me. I hadn't had that scenario on the job or off the job. That was quite shocking and unnerving. But I had hundreds of those calls. Those of us who are in this profession, we simply understand that this is a part of our job, and we must do what we're called to do, help save lives, either medical emergency. or firefighting emergency. Our fire department clinic was always open for those who needed to talk about those types of things and get counseling. Overall, I understood what we needed to do and we simply did it. Again, thank you so much for your service and for saving lives. What do you think are the qualities, especially after 28 years of experience, that a person would need in order to have a successful career in firefighting? Commitment. integrity, willingness to learn. There's a lot to learn. Plenty of energy. Of course, physical fitness a must. Yeah. And of course, courage. I don't say beat your chest and yell at the mountaintop that I have no fear. No, no, no. Right. Courage is not the absence of fear at all. Absolutely. Yeah. So in your book, you said Firefighters like most of us in our careers and personal lives are successful by demonstrating what we talk about in this podcast. Effective communication skills, integrity, composure, and a reassuring manner, the ability to follow instructions, the ability to work as part of a team, and problem solving skills. Absolutely. You said it all straight from the book. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Which we call soft skills, especially problem solving skills. Nobody likes somebody who's always problem driven, always pointing out the problem, but not suggesting anything that can be done about it. Would you like to talk to us a little bit more about that? That's that heavyweight. That's the person who's dragging the team down. They create problems instead of solve problems. And that's not needed, especially in the firefighting industry. We work a lot closer as a team than in our cubicle, right? But just as in the business office, each individual has their assignment that they need to add to the mission that the team is carrying out. So you want someone with integrity. You want someone who can work well under fire, whether it's a deadline that needs to get out or whether it's literal fire. That's raging. over your head that needs to be extinguished. Composure is a key quality, I believe. And being able to problem solve, being able to know, okay, how are we gonna meet this deadline? What needs to happen? What are the steps that needs to happen for us to meet this deadline? What players do we have involved in this to make this happen? And what is my part to do so? Just like the officer who will be behind me in firefighting, you have alignment. And an officer most likely that lineman is the one at the tip of the nozzle. He's going in the front door first, fire raging all over. But he has that officer right on his back, helping him to see. And if we can't see, which oftentimes we can't because it's pitch black, Right. leading that person from behind as to what needs to be addressed in that room raging with fire. So you want those who can seek out solutions, problem solvers. those who are committed, who have courage, and who are composed. So being part of a team, it's a life and death situation basically. To be a team player, to know your team has got your back, your partner, your team member, they literally have to have your back. They literally have to have your back. In the business office, there may be someone you don't get along with, but you both have a common goal, and you need to make it happen. In the firehouse. someone else and myself, we may not get along so well. But when the tone goes off and our number is up, we both suit up knowing what we need to do as individuals to put that fire out as a collective unit. Personal feelings aside. We'll go back to disliking each other once the job is done. At some point, we'll talk it out. When the fire's not raging, let's talk it out. Let's see if we can get down to the bottom of this. Communicate, talk it out. find out what's at the root of not seeing things the same way, not getting along, solve it, and agree to disagree or agree to agree and move on. Exactly. One last thing, when you think of the leaders in the fire department, what are some of the qualities that they possessed? Drive. I think a lot of them have a desire to lead. If they don't come into the position of an officer with composure, They learn how to compose themselves under fire. They usually have a bigger picture of how things need to operate intellect. And they have the ability to see the bigger scheme of things. And they want to lead. They want to be able to be a part of a team's success from a leadership role oftentimes. And that's okay. Because I often say that you really don't. have to be in a leadership role to be a leader. To be a leader, you demonstrate it daily. Yes, no matter what role you play. Absolutely, absolutely. I find it intriguing. Here's the irony. It's the fire department, which means everything is raging, just like the metaphor for life. And you've mentioned the word composure about three times now. Yeah, it's very important. And it actually took me a while to be able to compose myself. Because you can imagine it is an adrenaline driven experience to get that call. Box alarm is the term used. Box alarm and you have about four different fire houses. You'll have more than 10 fire companies, engines, trucks on this scene. Respond for the house on fire at such and such an address. People trapped. Oh my goodness, the juices begin to flow. So yeah, it takes some of us a little longer to be able to compose ourselves than others. But in the end, composure is key because composure helps with clear thinking. Exactly. Yes. Have you noticed when there's a crisis and you're all panic mechanic, it usually doesn't go well. You're not even gonna come up with a clear solution on what to do. Composure is very key, yeah. When you're tense, when you're all jacked up, your blood vessels constrict. You have less oxygen flowing to the brain and throughout the rest of your body. Keep the vessels open. Let the oxygen flow. Feed the brain, feed the muscles. You need that. Have composure. Have composure, absolutely, absolutely. And you can still have fun. Of course, I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah, and a supervisor in my early career would determine organized chaos. Yes. Mr. Roderick Mitchell, any last words of wisdom before we ask you for your social media handles? Get the book. I think those who find themselves especially in a place of personal turmoil, indecision, challenge could benefit from it. Any organization was looking for some tools to maybe help the team could benefit from it. And as I often say on my videos and in life, Whatever you do, finish strong, finish strong, and finish strong. Finish strong and finish strong. Words of Wisdom by Roderick Mitchell, motivational speaker of Success by Fire. His book can be purchased on Amazon, Success by Fire. Thank you so much for being on our show today. Thank you, Brogurty, it was an honor. And before you go, where can we find you on social media? Ah, yes. Facebook Roderick Mitchell. All of my others are Roderick Mitchell, Instagram. Anytime you just type in success by fire or Roderick Mitchell, you will find me. LinkedIn Roderick Mitchell. My daughter's trying to get me on TikTok and I might have to do that too eventually. She's right. Everybody I know watches TikTok, she's right about that. Yes. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for your service in the fire department for 28 years. It's an honor. Thank you, Roberta. Don't forget to subscribe, give a rating and a review, and purchase Success by Fire from Amazon by Roderick Mitchell.